TheSimpsons《辛普森一家》第三十五季第一集完整中英文对照剧本.docx
辛普森一家第三十五季第一集终于除掉了银河系所有的巨怪Finally,agalaxywithouttrolls.你肌肉猛♥男♥英雄统治到此为止了弗莱叙隆Yourreignofmusclyheroismendshere,Flexulon.翱翔吧我的金色朋友Soarhigh,mygoldenfriend.今日我们择Fl再死Fortoday,wedieanotherday.下一站邦尤仑五号♥星上阴冷潮湿黏糊的森林Nextstop,thedankstickyjunglesofBong-ulonFive.伙计你不该让他把-整盘致幻蛋糕都吃了的Dude,youshouldn'thavelethimeatthatwholepanofacidbrownies.我狡辩一下其实我觉得会很酷Inmydefense,I-Ithoughtit'dbecool,而且我是对的andIwasright.春田小学今晚关于校车问题的紧急家长会我们发誓不含种族议题由于奥托开着校车带着蛋糕烤盘跑路了So,sinceOttohasdisappearedwithourbusandourbrowniepans,家长需要送孩子来上学parentswillhavetodrivetheirownchildrentoschool.如果你们组队拼车的话Well,fewerofyouwouldhavetodrive就不用每天每人都开车了ifyousatdownandarrangedacarpoolschedule.我杀了你I'llkillyou!不然让孩子自己走路上学Oryourchildrencouldwalktoschool你们就不用管了sononeofyouhavetodoanything.那就走路吧Walkingitis.但是还需要一位自告奋勇的家长However,wedoneedoneparentvolunteer来组建过路协管小组tocompleteourteamofnoblecrossingguards.只需要再来一位家长就够了Just,uh,oneengagedparentisallweneed.太棒了我全力支持Hellyeah!Youknowmin.我等了一辈子了vebeenwaitingforthismywholelife.侯默辛普森非常好HomerSimpson.Wonderful.他说啥Hmm?What,dhesay?我刚刚在看菜鸟大反♥攻♥的重启预告片IwaswatchingthetrailerfortheRevengeoftheNerdsreboot.约翰塞纳演鼻涕虫JohnCenaisplayingBooger.侯默你刚刚报名了Homer,youjustvolunteered.完犊子DearGod.不停下投降让路No.Stop.Yield.看看他满嘴术语这兄弟是干介个的Well,he'sgotthelingodown.Thisguy'sanatural.现在我天还没亮就得起床NowIgottowakeupatthebutt-crackofdawn去帮熊孩子过马路towalkloserkidsacrosssomeloserstreet.千万别要孩子莱尼Neverhavechildren,Lenny.这你可不用担心Youdon'thavetoworryaboutthat.其实我生来就没有See,Iwasbornwithout.危险什么情况7G部门蓝色警报Whatthe.?We,vegotacodebluein7-G.重复蓝色警报Repeat,codeblue.危险说起来Anyhoo,你发现自动贩卖♥♥机里有个苹果吗younoticethere,sanappleforsaleinthevendingmachine?谁会买♥♥那玩意啊Imean,whowouldbuythat?双倍冷却液快点-收到Doublethecoolantlevels,now.-monit.备用泵正在待命Backuppumpsonstandby.卡尔森将蒸汽阀泄压60pCarlson,decreasethesteamvalvesby60p.莱昂纳德操纵控制杆1.eonard,thecontrolrods.戴眼镜的为我们祈祷You,glasses,prayforalloursouls.听我指令切换发生器Now,switchgeneratorsonmycount.五Five.四Four.安全控制台Three.真的安全控制台Two.安全控制台真的安全控制台执行Implement.危险危险解除成功啦太棒啦Wedidit!-Boolah,boolah.伙计们Um,fellas?我是核能源安全员对吧mthenuclearsafetyguy,right?应该是我的控制台滴滴乱响吧Shouldn'tmyconsolehavebeendoingallthatbeepystuff?其实-那啥Yeah,um,uh.-Uh,yousee.大概可能现在只有我这边会滴滴响了Wekindofmadeitsothatjustmyconsoledoesthatnow.我们想给你减减负兄弟Wejustfiguredwe'dlightenyourload,buddy,因为你已经很忙了sinceyoualreadydosomuch.像篮球疯狂三月的篮筐那么忙1.iketheMarchmadnessbrackets.而且你是敢想敢做的人成功实施了热裤周三Andyou'rethego-getterwhoimplementedJean-shortWednesdays.你们是说我其实从没保护过任何人安全Areyouguyssayingveneverkeptanyonesafe?你当然有了侯默只要啥都别干就对广Oh,sureyouhave,Homer.Just.bynotdoinganything.我的操控台甚至都没插上电Myconsoleisn'tevenpluggedin.我打开了里面都是清洁用品Iopenedit,andit'sfullofcleaningsupplies还有没卖♥♥出去的伯恩斯先生大头公仔andunsoldMr.Burnsfunkos.我一直以为自己很重要ThiswholetimeIthoughtImattered,可我根本不是从来不是butIdon'tandIneverdid.你对我来说很重要Well,youmattertome,尤其当今天是周三晚上especiallysinceit'sWednesdaynight.对哦固定爱爱日Oh.Right.Scheduledsex.我来了哦Okay,herewego.等我一下快点Justgivemeasecondhere.Comeon,just.来了Almost.Um.亲亲呐Uh,sweetie?好像你的光剑不想亮起来Itseemslikeyourlightsaberdoesn'twanttogo"shwoom."今晚早些时候你是不是自己来过了Didyougo"HanSolo"earliertonight?我真是到哪都没用Iguessmuselesseverywhere.我明天直接躺平在床上mjustgonnastayinbedtomorrow吮吸床头柜里的番茄酱小包装andsuckmynightstandketchuppackets.其实吧你得六点起来去当过路协管Actually,youhavetowakeupat6:00tobeacrossingguard.你们觉得奥拓咋了WhatdoyouguysthinkhappenedtoOtto?蹲牢房♥Jail.或许他只是太过疲惫于逃离黑暗Maybehejustgottiredofalwaysrunningfromthedarkness.老天爷老爸在那儿Oh,God,there'sDad.拜托别让他给我们出丑Pleasedon'tlethimembarrassus.哟哟哟是时候给小分队过路保驾护航了Well,well,timetohelpthebabybrigadecrosstheroad.停别啊Oh,no.我值得你们的尊重小混♥蛋♥们1deserveyourrespect,youlittlejerks.停蠢小孩没有我他们有生之年都会Stupidkids.Withoutme,they'dbestuck被困在街道一侧ononesideofthestreetfortherestoftheirlives.哈哈拿到了你八角形的标志Haw-haw!Gotyouroctagonalsign.喂快还给我Hey,givemethat!我需要它告诉车辆该干嘛停下Ineedittotellcarswhattodo.Stop!不要你停下No,youstop.讨厌D,oh!我是个过路人mastreetwalker.妈的匿名会要迟到了Oh,no.mlateformyAAmeeting.丑陋奶奶折扣龙舌兰你好哟美人儿Heythere,gorgeous.停我的一生刚从裤裆下一瞬即逝Mywholelifejustflashedthroughmypants.赞爆r侯默Waytogo,Homer!你刚救了这个秃顶小无赖的命Youjustsavedthisbaldinglittlescamp'slife.牛批啊侯默-你成功了老爸Allright,Homer.-Youdidit,Dad!媒体不如拍张照上报纸吧辛先生Howaboutoneforthepaper,Mr.S.我救了某人的命世界啊你可否听清Isavedsomeone'slife.Youhearthat,world?侯默辛普森杠杠滴HomerSimpsonmatters!对哦要不这样来一波Oh,right.Howaboutoneofthese?今天最后两只地球上濒危的熊猫去世了Thelasttwoendangeredpandasonearthdiedtoday动物园调直员声称这是可怕的谋杀后自杀案件inwhatzooinvestigatorsarecallingagrislymurder-suicide.巨型熊猫公元前19000000年公元后2023年永别了熊猫我们来世对面再见Adios,pandas.We'llseeyouatthecrossroads.我们今晚的晚间恐怖播报Wewrapuptonight'snightlyreadingofhorrors将以一个全新的乐观主义部分结束我称之为withanewoptimisticsegmentIliketocall新闻鸡汤"ChickenSoupfortheNews."小镇的过路协管Thesmall-towncrossingguard.一份大部分美国人都认为可敬又无聊的工作AjobmostAmericansconsiderascharmingasitispointless.直到上周Untillastweek,素材提供:金宝琼斯本地英雄侯默辛普森冒险whenlocalheroHomerSimpsonriskedhislife救下了一个长着南瓜头的小男孩tosaveonepumpkin-headedlittleboy.现如今辛普森变成了某种人行道名人Andnow,Simpsonhasbecomesomethingofacurbsidecelebrity.春田镇可以做些什么来表达对本地过路协管的WhatcanSpringfielddotoshowitsIoveandappreciation爱意和赞许呢forlocalcrossingguards?我不知道或许我们可以用一些新设备1don'tknow.Iguesswecouldusesomenewequipment.这些草坪椅真的不舒服Theselawnchairsaren'tverycomfy这些旧带？并没有做至'提升和支撑”andtheseoldsashesdon'texactly"liftandsupport."但是肯特Butyouknowwhat,Kent?能保护孩子的安全本身就是一种奖励Keepingkidssafeisitsownreward.上帝保佑那个笨蛋圣徒Godblessthatsaintlydoughball.够了我要给春田镇过路协管一笔实际预算That'sit,mgivingSpringfield'scrossingguardsanactualbudget.不是出于自私的政♥治&hearts源因Notforself-servingpoliticalreasons,而是作为一个有原则的人想为世界做点好事butbecausemamanofprinciplewhowantstodogoodintheworld.乔瑟夫轮到你走性♥爱♥棋了Joseph,yourturnonthesexchessboard.没有国王我们玩不好Wecan'tverywellplaywithoutourking.但本象愿意一试Thoughthebishopmaytry.春田小学我们的英雄感谢你们瞧瞧这些橙色马甲Wow,lookatallthisorangeswag.这才刚刚开始Andthat'sjustthebeginning.现在你们会得到一份全职工作Nowyou'llbegettingafull-timesalary.我滴个乖乖Ah,sweetcellophaneSally.先是在国际象棋主题的性狂欢First,Igetpaidtobethetimer当计时员赚了一笔现在又摊上这好事atachess-themedsexorgy,andnowthis.侯默是你的英雄主义带领我们齐聚于此Homer,asthefellawhoseheroismgotushere,我任命你为过路协管队长Inominateyouascrossingguardcaptain.瞧瞧我家的制♥服♥帅男Lookatmyhandsomemaninuniform.怎么说呢侯默Idon'tknow,Homer.戴徽章的都是一群渴望权力Theonlypeoplethatwearbadgesarepower-hungrychumps欺负弱小的混♥蛋♥们whowanttokeepthelittleguydown.你说的是超♥市♥的那个保安吗Areyoutalkingaboutthatsecurityguardatthesupermarket?我没想搞坏口香糖机Iwasn'ttryingtobreakthegumballmachine.我只想摇出紫色的Iwasjusttryingtoshakeoutapurple.爸爸我为你感到自豪Well,mproudofyou,Dad.志愿服务社区是最崇高的使命Volunteeringtoservethecommunityisthehighestcallingthereis.你知道更崇高的是什么吗Youknowwhat'sevenbetter?志愿赚钱我们现在拿全职薪水了Volunteeringformoney.We,regettingpaidnow.我甚至拿到了能雇十个护卫的预算Ievengotabudgetfortenmoreguards.我要组一支最精干的部队Andmonlygonnahirethebestandthebrightest.新人们Allright,rookies.你们中不是所有人都能通过训练的Notallofyouaregoingtomakeitthroughtraining.向左看向右看1.ooktoyourleft,nowlooktoyourright.这就是你们观察车辆来往的方式That'showyouknowifacariscoming.训I练到此结束Thatconcludesyourtraining.侯默你救了我家拉尔夫一命我感激不尽Heya,Homer.I-Ican'tthankyouenoughforsavingmyRalphy,slife.应该的警长这是我的工作职责Ofcourse,Chief.Justdoingmyjob.如果你需要处理停车罚单Ifyoueverneedaparkingticketthrownout或者想检测某人留下的DNA跟我说就行orsomeoneelse,sDNAleftsomewhere,youjustletmeknow.队长Yarr,captain.他没有经过你的同意就越过人行道Hedidn'tseekyourpermissiontocrossthesevenstripes.协管员司徒认为他在看不起你CrossingguardStuthinkshe'sunderminingyou.哪着火了兄弟Where'sthefire,buddy?先生你知道刚才你走得有多快吗Doyouknowhowjayyouwerewalkingthere,sir?我不懂你的意思I-I-Idon'tknowwhatthatmeans.好了自作聪明的家伙Allright,wiseguy,我需要你走上马路牙子mgonnahavetoaskyoutostepoutofthecurb.把脚放在我能看到的位置AndkeepyourfeetwhereIcanseethem.我都看不到我的脚Ican'tevenseethem.先生冷静Sir,calmdown.听着这次给你个警告就算了1.ook,Icanletyouoffwithawarningthistime,但你要记着这些街道是我的地盘butjustsoyouknow,Irunthesestreets.什么你才不是是我管I.what?No,youdon't,Ido.我管马路牙子之间的地方懂了吗Well,Irunallthepartsbetweenthecurbs.Gotit?这东西不错Ooh,thesearenice.归我了mgonnaholdontothem,除非你有什么意见unlessyouhaveaproblemwiththat?完全没问题协管长们Yeah,no,noproblematall,Um,uh,"cross-ifer."祝你们今天愉快Justhave-haveaniceday.该死的协管员们Stupidcrossingguards,觉得自己穿个橙马甲了不起了thinkthey,resotoughwiththeircoolorangevests.侯默杰辛普森队长又一次维护了街道安全AnothercurbkeptsafebycaptainHomerJ.Simpson.伙计们呢Boys?仅限过路协管这是你要的大杯小尖嗓H-Here'sthatpitcheryouaskedfor,squeakyvoice.是尖嗓先生菜鸟That'sMr.Teentoyou,rookie.这些新人不懂尊重前辈Thesenewguysgotnorespect.跟三周前的我们差远了Itain'tlikewhenwestartedthreeweeksago.侯默我到处找你Homer,vebeentryingtoreachyou.停在那儿史金纳Whoa,there,Skinner.这个酒吧现在只接待过路协管Thisbariscrossingguardsonlynow.连莱尼和卡尔现在都进不来了Idon'tevenletLennyandCarlinherenomore.好吧但你看见我发的紧急备忘录了吗Yeah,butdidyoureadmyurgentmemo?明天学校要办科学展卖♥♥甜点拍毕业照Tomorrowisthesciencefair,bakesale,andpictureday.早上的交通会很繁忙Morningdrop-offwillbeverychallenging.我不是想教你做事之类的Now,uh,mnottellingyouhowtodoyourjob.你在教我做事吗Areyoutellingmehowtodomyjob?不我才说过我不是在教你做事No,Ispecificallysaidmnottellingyouhowtodoyourjob.差不多了什么什么校长That'senough,Principalwhat,s-ya-face.行人不准进人这间酒吧Nopedestriansallowed.但是侯默明天出差错的话会引起大混乱的But,Homer,ifwedon'tgetthisright,itcouldbepandemonium.还大混乱呢Pandemonium.交通末日现场一片混乱我是阿尼派It'spandemonium,folks.ThisisArniePye,我正在小学门口混乱♥交♥通的正上空reportinglivehighaboveanelementaryschooltrafficjam现场正演变为一场灾难turnedall-outscholasticfracas.当然我们相信报酬丰厚的过路协管们Surelythistown'shandsomelypaidcrossingguards一定有能力平息这场周一清晨的混乱canbringordertothisMondaymorningmayhem.大家停下Guys,stopit!打架解决不了问题Thepunchingismakingthingsworse.不要逼我吹哨子Don'tmakemeblowmywhistleatyou.辛普森队长暴♥动♥人群一直在甩我车子CaptainSimpson,theshakingofmycarisdangerouslycloseto过氧化氢酵母和洗涤剂要危险混合了mixingthehydrogenperoxide,yeast,anddishsoapwithin.所以呢So?这些成分能制♥造♥出一个有趣但危险的物质Thoseingredientscreateafascinatingyetvolatilesubstance过氧化氢酵母洗涤剂叫做knownas.泡泡喷泉.elephanttoothpaste.这是有史以来最耗经费破坏性最强Thiswasthemostexpensive,destructive,自同位素队夺冠以来最令人厌恶的事件了anddisgustingriotsincetheIsotopeswonthepennant.同位素加油GoTopes.过路协管队长侯默辛普森CrossingguardcaptainHomerSimpson,你对此有何看法whatdoyouhavetosayforyourself?怎公办该给谁甩锅精英海军部队吗Ooh!WhatcanIdo?WhocanIblame?Coastalelites?左翼社♥会♥主♥义♥分子巴仔我知道了Avocadosocialists?Theboy?vegotit.市长先生要怪就得怪Mr.Mayor,theblamefallssquarelyontheshoulders过路协管们不充足的预算ofthecrossingguards.,sinadequatebudget.我们需要更多预算Weneedmoremoney!更多预算Moremoney?培训费设备费还有加班费Moremoneyfortraining,forequipment,forovertime,这样孩子们就可以安全过马路了sothatyourchildrencancrossthestreetsafely凌晨3点也可以at3:00A.M.iftheywantto.给一个存在严重缺陷的机构投钱肯定会奏效Throwingmoneyatadeeplyflawedinstitutionisboundtowork.你们都吸指纹粉吸上头了吗Um,haveyouallbeenhuffingevidencepowder?侯默辛普森和他的座椅小丑们HomerSimpsonandhischair-jockeys这次彻底搞砸了royallyscrewedthepoochonthisone.现在你们还想给他更多的钱Andnowyouwanttogivehimmoremoney?这完全没有道理Thatmakesabsolutelynosense.听好了正义战士1.istenup,wokester.我们的队伍Guyslikemearethelastlineofdefense是你们的孩子和开车发短♥信♥的家伙之间betweenyourschoolkidsandguyslikeme最后的防线whotextwhentheydrive.如果你不愿意Andifyoudon'tlikeit,就横穿马路回波特兰去youcanjaywalkyourassbacktoPortland.什公鬼Wha.?赞成在此案上做政♥治♥180度转变Allinfavorofmepullingapolitical180onthisissue并且给过路协管一张支票的人请说同意andgivingthecrossingguardsablankcheck,say,aye."同意Aye.不同意Nay.把我的巨大支票簿拿过来Somebodygetmyenormouscheckbook.付给过路协管部门想要多少给多少真奏效了Itworked.早知道多要一点了以防万一MaybeIshould,veaskedthemformore,justincase.这里还有一张以防万一And,uh,here'ssomemore,justincase.付给过路协管部门以防万一多给一点英勇饭店兵器突击队这些豆袋火箭筒能打碎货车挡风玻璃Ooh,thesebeanbagbazookascanshatteraminivanwindshield.还配了一个豆袋肩带Anditcomeswithabeanbagbandolier.豆袋火箭筒看看你管理着巨额的预算1.ookatyouandyourhugebudget.我的伟大街道领导者Mybig,strongleaderinthestreets我是指床罩领导者andinthesheets.thebedsheets.我喜欢昨晚我们戴着太阳镜的感觉Ilikethatwekeptoursunglassesonlastnight.我什么都看不见Icouldn'tseeathing.看看这些很酷的装备Wow,lookatallthiscoolstuff.你简直是全能交通帝Youareanall-powerfulcrossingGod.我记得你说徽章很逊来着Ithoughtyousaidbadgeswerelame?跟所有获得一大笔钱的暴发户一样Hey,likeeveryonewhocomesintoatonofcash,我已经倒向了当权者一边veflip-floppedtothesideofauthority.你要收我钱吗弗朗辛Oh,you'rechargingme,Francine?哪怕我每天早上都在保障你孩子的安全EventhoughIkeepyourkidssafeeverymorning?艾登夏洛特Aiden?Charlotte?还有近视的尼古拉斯NearsightedNicholas?很抱歉这是送的Oh,msorry.It'sonthehouse.谢谢您的服务英雄Thankyouforyourservice,hero.我其实都没孩子但这人吓到我了1don'tevenhavekids,butthisguyscaresme.爸爸我担心钱与权力的飞速增长Um,DadfIworrythatthismassiveincreaseinmoneyandpower已经慢慢开始腐蚀你了issubtlycorruptingyou.亲爰的放松Oh,honey,relax.根本没有这回事There'snothingsubtleaboutit.请勿过马路过路协管专属配枪快快快Move,move,move!干得好伙计Nicejob,squeaks.谋而曼你三点钟方向有几个疑交者Moleman,yougotacoupleofSJWs.suspectedjaywalkers.可疑的不守交规者且敌意极大atthreeo'clock.Engagewithextremehostility.收到关掉保险枪和执法记录仪Copy.Gunsafetyandbodycamoff.辛普森和他那群橙色马甲Mm.Simpsonandhisorangeshirts完全无视公民权利在骚扰他们的生活areharassingcitizenswithcompletedisregardfortheircivilrights.我却在忙着处理恼怒的邮件和九位数的诉讼muptomyeyeballsinangryemailsandnine-figurelawsuits.但你总能Well,youcouldalways,uh.减少他们的预算吧decreasetheirbudgetabit.不给我们资金了Defundus?!我部门的钱不多Mydepartmentdoesnothavetoomuchmoney.你怎么知道我们之前在说什么Howdidyouknowwhatweweretalkingabout?我们有监控卫星Uh,surveillancesatellite.老天我们也想要一个Aw,geez,wewantedoneofthose.辛普森队长Uh,captainSimpson,本镇预算你们过路协管现在占了这个镇绝大部分预算yourcrossingguardsnowtakeupthevastmajorityofthistown'sbudget.我们也别无选择只能较少你们预算的1.5%Wehavenochoicebuttotrimyourbudgetby.1.5percent.Onepoint.先生你马上就会意识到过路协管可不好说话Sir,you'reabouttolearnthecrossingguardsareuncrossable.那个帮我们过去的好人去哪了Where'sthenicemanwhohelpsuscross?听说他失去了资金支持1heardhelosthisfunding.我们自己过去吧1.et'sjustgobyourselves.欢迎来到昆比市长的春田镇WelcometomayorQuimby'sSpringfield,人口数减少两个孩子population:twolesskids.昆比跟他脑满肠肥的警♥察♥好友Quimbyandhisfat-copcronies真实照片想在大街上到处装上撞门器滚动挡板wanttofloodthestreetswithdoor-dashers,rollingstoppers,也是真的醉驾司机和黄灯变速鞋andyellow-lightspeeder-uppers.乔昆比对春田镇不利JoeQuimby.BadforSpringfield.对美国更糟WorseforAmerica.由昆比给的钱制♥作♥诽谤广♥告♥Asmearad?今年都还不是选举年It,snotevenanelectionyear.是吗Isit?侯默辛普森可以在这里称霸HomerSimpsoncanbullythistown,霸凌市民和他们的小孩itscitizens,andtheiryoungchildren,但他不能霸凌我buthecannotbullyme.克兰西给我把他搞倒Clancy,shuthimdown.乐意之至Withpleasure.我建立的细橙线脸书主页bMyanti-Quimbyadgotamillionlikes做的反昆比广♥告♥收到了一百万赞onmy"ThinOrangeLine"Facebookpage.看看这些支持的言论1.ookatallthesesupportivecomments.杀了昆比"MurderQuimby,"把他分尸"DismemberQuimby,"回到过去杀了小时候的昆比"GobackintimeandkillbabyQuimby."互联网Ah,theInternet,就是创意的市场themarketplaceofideas.你危及到公职人员的生命了You'reendan
