TheSimpsons《辛普森一家》第三十五季第九集完整中英文对照剧本.docx
辛普森一家第三十五季第九集*我来收信啦哈利路亚*mgettingthemail,hallelujah*我来收信啦*mgettingthemail*每天都要收*It'ssomethingtodo*这是啥子情况WhattheHelenMirren?新冠纾困金侯默和马姬辛普森收纾困金Stimuluschecks?这些应该在疫情期间就去兑现的Weweresupposedtocashtheseduringthepandemic.是现在把钱花了呢还是等下一次疫情Shouldwespendthemoneynoworwaitforthenextone?买♥♥点什么好呢摩托艇还是摩托车Sowhatarewegonnablowiton,jetskiormotorbike?妈咪我一直想咱们一家人去做一件事Mom,thereissomethingvealwayswantedforthisfamily,也不是什么事butit'snotathing,exactly.不如说是一次经历.butrather,it'sanexperience.是一次宝贵的可以谈论很多年的经历Somethingwecanalltreasureandtalkaboutforyearstocome.那肯定要去啊Well,thenmaybeweshoulddoit.你就用这招啊用真心来打动太恶心了Wait,that'sthemove?Goallsincereandemo?Gross.只不过有一个小问题Thereisonesmallissue.得把爸爸哄骗过去MyideawilltakesomefinessingwithDad.天啊天啊天啊Ohboy,ohboy,ohboy!意外之财然后意外之旅Surprisemoney,thenasurprisecruise?好事成双啊Twoistheperfectnumberofsurprises.确实啊爸爸我们这就启程Itsureis,Dad.We'regoingonaregularcruise开始一趟你完全不会讨厌的旅行withabsolutelynothingaboutityou'dhate.这船是什么情况Whatthehelliswrongwiththisboat?太平洋公主莱娅号♥太平洋公主莱娅号♥是一趟"ThePacificPrincessLeiaisacruise专为科幻幻想漫画byandfor"fansofSci-FLfantasy,动漫和游戏迷准备的旅行comicbooks,animeandvideogames.'1但这些名字统统都是But-butthosearealljustdifferentnamesfor.* 阿宅* Nerds* 新鲜有趣* Excitingandnew*跟神秘博士一起打球*PlaypickleballwithDoctorWho*阿宅船*TheNerdBoat*你的金刚狼T恤实在非常璀璨*YourWolverinet-shirtislikeatux*阿宅(Z)船*TheNerdBoat*这里大家都知道新星战很烂*WhereeveryoneknowsthenewStarWarssucks"*这里的饮料都非常纯净*Thedrinksareallvirgin*内德弗兰德斯扮演弗兰多卡瑞辛*就像客人们也没有碰过异性*Justlikealltheguestsonboard*因为整天都忙着看乐高大电影*ToobusygeekingonmoviesfromMillerandLord范浩腾一家扮演怪奇物语中的角色戏子梅尔扮演三流明星*阿宅们*Andnerds*老谋子锡丝拉克扮演你的酒保*再也不会受苦了*Won'thurtanymore*这是船员们的承诺*That,savowfromyourcrew*我们是神奇四侠* TheFantasticFour*诸位阿宅们* You,renerds* 欢迎登船* Welcomeaboard,younerds*不要再致敬了Stopthislovinghomage!我知道你们想干什么Iseewhatyou'redoing.在这里举♥行♥不入流的小众亚文化聚会celebratingoutcastculturethatusedtobeonthefringes.我不喜欢andIdon'tlikeit!你们这些阿宅不许再变装了Younerdsstopplayingdress-up不然我就拽着你的内♥裤♥转一百圈orelsemgonnawedgieyou,andswirlyyou,给你大腿根都勒紫了然后.andpurpleyournurplesuntilthey.看那边有阿凡达排球比赛Hey,checkoutthatAvatarvolleyballtournament.阿凡达人对战降世神通It,sNa'vivs.LastAirbenders.我就呆在哈维甲板上And1Ibeonthe"Harvey"deck.看着这些吉百利们1.ookatallthosecadburys.妈呀那是塔伊加维迪提吗Oh,myGod,isthatTaikaWaititi?我喜欢你做的一切Iloveeverythingyoudo.你的雷神电影吸血鬼生活YourThormovies,WhatWeDointheShadows.对你是我目前为止最喜欢的荧屏希♥特♥勒♥Oh,andyou'rebyfarmyfavoriteon-screenHitler.她屎啦布鲁诺冈茨Takethat,thelateBrunoGanz.如果你喜欢那个那你一定会是Well,ifyoulovedthat,you'llcertainlybeina"fuhrer"我最新的角色丹利丝达维尼翁的元老粉overmynewestactingroleasDaeriusd'Avignon,中世纪侦探在最新投资三个亿的流媒体节目medievald'tective,inthenew$300millionstreamingshow谋杀他能解Murder,HeSwords.凶手就是黑死病Themurdereris.theblackplague.第二波Again.这是部好剧因为它是基现成的知识产权Youknowit'sgoodbecauseit'sbasedonexistingLP.知识产权知识产权I.P.,I.P.让我们热烈欢迎这场呆子舞会的国王和王后Pleasewelcomethekingandqueenofthisnerdprom:漫画男和漫画女ComicandKumikoBookGuy.走开点非英雄联盟Outofmyway,leagueofnon-legends.抬头凝视你们的王然后啜泣吧Gazeuponyourbettersandweep.看呐Behold,我带来了我那可收藏的收藏品里的珍宝Ihavebroughtthejewelofmycollectiblecollection.呆子王国里最稀有的宝藏Theraresttreasureinallofgeekdom:一座辐射侠手办ARadioactiveManactionfigure意外制♥造♥成带有金刚狼爪的版本accidentallymanufacturedwithWolverineclaws.好好看看吧然后发发疯1.ookuponitandloseyourmind.辐射侠可动手办只有两个这样有缺陷的手办Onlytwoofthosedefectivetoys在被发现错误之前已经被制♥造♥出来weremadebeforetheycaughtthemistake.你r就记得这个每年纪念日却总是记不住Thisyouremember,buteveryyear,ouranniversaryevadesyou.别让我在别的刀锋战士面前难堪Don'tembarrassmeinfrontoftheotherBlades.呕漫男竟然在船上VomitBookGuyisontheboat?瀚游轮被毁了Ugh,cruiseruined.你对漫画男有什么不满WhatdoyouhaveagainsttheComicBookGuy?我两周前去过他店里Iwalkedintohisstoretwoweeksago.我知道这很诡异但我真的自己画了一本漫画Iknowthisisweird,butIactuallydrewacomicbookofmyown.鳄-鱼-人开动是时候拿史金纳垫肚了一了瞧呀半个鳄半个鱼整个显眼包Checkitout.He'shalf-croc,half-gatoandfullprankster.你猜怎么我真的很佩服Youknowwhat?mreallyimpressed.我立刻马上就传真给mgoingtofaxthisrightaway我的“哥们儿你太逊了”出版社朋友们tomyfriendsat"Man,YouSuck,'Publishing.你逊毙了Yousuck!我向天发誓IsweartoGod,有一天我要向漫画男报仇雪恨onedaymgoingtogetmyrevengeonComicBookGuy.我讨厌这趟幼稚鬼打扮的游轮Ihatethisstupidbabydress-upcruise.为什么我不能是菲斯特叔叔Andwhycan'tIbeuncleFester?我秃头而且已经有了儿件黑色穆穆袍mbald,andIalreadyownseveralblackmuumuus.慢着这些东西没有双关名了吧Ooh.Wait,thisstuffdoesn'thavepunnynames,doesit?没有就跟其它游轮一样No,it'sjustlikeanyothercruise,给老饕们准备的无限食物infinitefoodforgluttonousslobs.塔伊加为什么你一个人吃东西Taika,whyareyoueatingallbyyourself?保留精力给写作Tomaintainenergyforallmywriting,导演演戏和放荡的假笑directing,acting,andrakishsmirking.再说了这是本爷爷的游轮Plus,it'sinmycruiserider.我还有个面朝日出日落的船舱Ialsogetacabinfacingthesunriseandthesunset,无限维吉麦酱以及任何海产塔的顶尖食物unlimitedvegemite,andthetoptierofanyseafoodtower.现在展出的是Nowondisplay,被精心制♥造♥缺陷的辐射X绅警theexquisitelyflawedRadioactiveX-Gentleman,又名辐射狼或者金刚侠akaWoIveractiveMan,akaRadio-verine.小心Oh,lookout.别给他钱Don'tgivethatguymoney.他就是个毁梦的混♥蛋♥不配得到一分钱He'sadream-crushingjackassandhedoesn'tdeservedollarone.希望有一天会有人催毁你最爱的东西1hopeonedaysomeonedestroysthethingyoulovemost.谁把灯关了,Somebodyturnedoffthelights.它的头没了Thedoll'shead.It'sgone.看着我无头辐射侠收藏品Speaktome,oh,headlessradioactivecollectible.你在受苦亲爱的朋友让我分享你的痛苦吧Oh,sweetsufferingmate.Letmeshareinyourdistress.谁会做这种事是谁Whocouldhavedonesuchathing?Whoc.哦痛苦啊Oh,theagony!我打赌是巴仔辛普森干的他有动机IwagerBartSimpsondidthis.Hehadthemotive,means他早就臭名昭著了andhe,sanotoriousstinker.这就是谋杀的最佳搭配Thatisarecipeformurder.看看巴仔脸上的三道小擦痕AndlookatthethreetinyscratchmarksonBart,scheek.我的船上不允许谋杀不办把他送到监狱Noonemurdersadollonmyship.Tothebrig.我发誓我没有弄坏那个手办Iswear,Ididn'tkillthatdoll.别再撒谎了儿子Stoplying,boy.不敢相信你毁了我的梦幻邮轮之旅Ican'tbelieveyouruinedmydreamcruise.你明明讨厌这次旅行Youhatethiscruise.不是我是讨厌主题和船上的人No,Ihatethethemeandthepeopleandtheboat.但我喜欢食物ButIlovethefood.辛普森夫妇Mr.AndMrs.Simpson,儿子被关在小邮轮监狱里你们心里一定不好受Iknowit'shardforyoutoseeyoursoninthistinycruiseshipjail.是啊Itis.你们别担心Well,don,tyouworry.明天他将被带上岸关进成人监狱Tomorrowhe'llbetakenashoreandlockedinafulladultprison.别啊那里条件很便利No!-Butwithalltheamenities.好吧Okay.便利条件是指臭名昭著的监狱团伙Theamenitiesareanotoriousprisongang.他们特别讨厌小孩Theyreallyhatechildren.不要啊No!No!丽莎我知道情况很糟但我真的害怕了1.is,Iknowitlooksbad,butmreallyscared.我发誓不是我♥干♥的IswearIdidn'tdoit.我说不准1don'tknow.你弄掉了我的很多手办头You'vebeheadedmanyofmydolls,从马里布斯黛西到火岛弗兰克fromMalibuStacytoFireIslandFrank.那都是你的手办不值钱的Oh,thosearen'tvaluable.They,reyours.巴仔你之前对我撒过很多次慌Bart,you,veIiedtomesomanytimesbefore,我该怎么相信你howcouldIeverbelieveyou?好吧但这次我说的是真话Okay,butthistimemtellingthetruth,为证明这一点我打算承认我过去所有的谎言andtoproveit,mgonnaownuptoallmypastlies.狗把你的萨克斯管埋在花♥园♥里的那次Thattimewhenthedogburiedyoursaxophoneinthegarden,它得到了一些帮助hehadsomehelp.你生日那天马拉拉给你打电♥话♥让你吃柠檬WhenMalalacalledyouonyourbirthdaytotellyoutosucklemons,其实是我打的thatwasme.你醒来发现自己躺在装满蒜结面包的浴缸那次Thattimeyouwokeupinabathtubfullofgarlicknots.够了我明白了你是个烂人Igetit,IgetitYou'reterrible.好吧我觉得这句话我只会说一次Okay,IfigureIonlygetonetimetosay,“丽莎无论如何你得相信我”"Lis,yougottabelievemenomatterwhat."我现在亮出了底牌Rightnow,Iamplayingthatcard.我没有毁掉辐射侠1didnotdestroythatdoll.天啊我相信你Oh,myGod.Ibelieveyou.这小孩应该付出代价以头还头永远关押巴仔对我有辐射处刑唯一能证明巴仔清白的办法TheonlywaytoclearBart'sname就是找出真凶istofigureoutwhoreallydidit.但我势单力薄我需要帮助ButIcan'tdoitallbymyself.Ineedhelp.我来帮你llhelpyou.等下我重新出场No,hangon,letmetrythatagain.我来帮你就这个味llhelpyou!Nailedit.塔伊加维迪真的吗TaikaWaititi?Seriously?著名的新西兰导演编剧演员和制片人执导过雷神索尔3:诸神黄昏等知名电影你会帮我为我哥洗脱冤屈吗You'llhelpmeexoneratemybrother?当然了为什么呢告诉你吧Ofcourse.Why?lltellyou.因为我精神有点问题BecauseIhaveamedicalcondition必须一心多用不然会死where1havetobemultitaskingatalltimes.我哥哥肯定不是这艘船上Well,mybrothercan'tbetheonlypersononthisship唯一讨厌漫画男的人whohatedComicBookGuy.所以这艘船上的每一个乘客So,Iguesswe'lljusthavetoquestion都脱不开嫌疑everypassengeronthemanifest.我们可以从塔导的粉丝开始调查Whydon'twestartwithfansoftheTaika-verse?哎呦那不就是所有人嘛Whoops,that'severyone.冲1.et'sgo.我讨厌漫画男更讨厌那个手办IhateComicBookGuyandIhatedthatdoll因为那个手办本来是我的becauseitoriginallybelongedtome.断舍离辐射侠可动手办嗨你好我想买♥♥你们这个Hi.Excuseme,butIwilltakethis,uh,一点没价值卖♥♥不了几个钱的垃圾non-pricelessfcompletelyvaluelessgarbage11刀出吗Offofyourhandsfor,uh,$11.但是老爸我觉得它值更多钱But,Dad,Ithinkitmightbeworthalotmore.谁在乎啊苗浩斯Whocares,Milhouse?这可是一顿赛百味双人餐加小食曲奇Thisistwo$5footlongsandaweirdcookie.孩子妈结婚纪念日晚餐有着落了宝贝Hey,Luann,anniversarydinnerisbackon,baby.我没有弄坏那个手办Ididn'tdestroythatactionfigure,但我确实有动机but1surehadamotive.充足的动机Aclearmotive.我不知道审问我有什么用Idon'tknowwhyyou'reinterrogatingme.我和漫画男没有任何接触Ihavenobonetogrindwiththatcomicbookchap.真的吗听说他最近买♥♥了一批水军Really?EvenafterComicBookGuyledanonlinetrollarmy在网上给你写差评让你没法参演这部电影todemandyoubefiredandreplacedinthis?疯狂麦克斯制片团队倾力打造FromtheproducersofMadMaxcomesavision一场黑暗暴♥力♥和怪咖云集的视觉盛宴sodark,soviolentandsowacky.戏子梅尔SideshowMel.把他们都杀了不然我就不叫迪克达斯德利We'llkillthemall,ormynameisn'tDickDastardly.1968卡♥通♥怪车大赛中的反派甜茶饰演狗狗玛蒂AndTimotheeChalametasMuttley.怪车大赛之毛茸茸公路我诅咒那个漫画恶魔男Cursethatfunny-bookfiend.他动员了制片团队HemobilizedboththeHanna-Barbarians和怪车系列的粉丝们针对我andtheWack-olytesagainstme用一个投票推送彻底把我毁了inadevastatingonlinepetition.不要让戏子梅尔玷污怪车大赛获得一亿六千万票保护濒危的珊瑚礁获得四十九票首先预告片效果真不错Firstofall,thatlookssogood,我在想这片为什么不是由我导演msurprisedIdidn'tdirectit.还是我导过了啊十月过的迷迷糊糊DidI?Octoberwascrazy.但是梅尔你对漫画男这份ButMeLwouldyourbone-tremblinganger刻骨的憎恨leadyoutodestroy真的会促使你摧毁他价值连城的手办吗ComicBookGuy'smostprizedpossession?会的但我并没有Itwould!Butitdidn't.但我本可以如果是我做的Butitcould!AndifIdid,我现在会对你们撒谎Iwouldlieaboutittoyounow!但我没有但我会的Butmnot.ButIwould!为什么要浪费时间在我身上Whyareyouwastingyourtimewithme?我爱我那油腻的胖老公Ilovemygreasysnowmanhusband也爱他E在经历的这场手办悲剧andhistragicblooperofanactionfigure.监控录像的说法可不太一样Wehavesecurityfootagethatsaysdifferently.慢放是真的我太讨厌那个破塑料玩意了It'strue,Ihatedthatinjection-moldedmonstrosity.我第一次遇见漫画男时WhenIfirstmetComicBookGuy,我才是他无价的宝贝Iwashispricelesscollectible.但是现在就连做♥爱♥的时候Butnow,whenwemakelove,他都会喊那手办的出厂序列号♥myhusbandcallsoutthedoll'sserialnumber.我只是想要那个可爱贴心的漫画男回到我身边Ijustwantbackmysweetcomicbookgaijin.破坏手办的嫌疑乘客太多了Somanypassengerscouldhavecommitteddoll-icide.嫌疑人动机苗浩斯被漫画男敲过竹杠戏子鲍勃被漫画男毁掉事业久美子嫉妒漫画男的手办迪斯科司徒痛恨漫画男奥拓被漫画男偷走大♥麻♥二酚内德弗兰德斯被漫画男嘲讽过其偶像丘墨士被漫画男替享大餐大黄蜂人痛恨漫画男物可怜的巴仔但是天呢PoorBart.Ah,butgeez,看他留下的一片狼藉lookatthemessheleftinourcabin.老天爷Oh,dearGod.我不觉得是巴仔做的Ididn'tthinkBartdidit但是我在他的狼藉里butthenIfoundthisradioactivehead发现了辐射侠首级fromthedecapitateddollinBart'sstuff.他当时看着我的眼睛Helookedmerightintheeyes说不是他andsaidhedidn'tdoit.我再也不能相信他了Icannevertrusthimagain.宝贝Oh,sweetie,你在接受人生最难接受的事you'vejustlearnedoneoflife'shardestlessons.经常地不论你多爱这个人Sometimes,nomatterhowmuchyoulovesomeone,他都会让你失望they'rejustgoingtoletyoudown.对你妈妈来说那个人就是我Foryourmother,it'sme.睡吧宝贝Justtrytogetsomesleep,honey.明早巴仔还是会一样有罪Bartwillstillbehorriblyguiltyinthemorning.雷尼尔.沃卡索RainerWolfcastle?有件事我必须和你讲ThereissomethingImusttellyou有关宅粉夜宴和随后的手办被害事件aboutthenightofthefanquetandsubsequenttoymurder.夜幕降临的时候Wheneverythingwentdark,我正戴着我的夜视镜Iwaswearingmynight-visiongoggles,从待映电影夜视镜剧组偷的frommyupcomingfilmTheNight-VisionGoggler.你看到是谁干的了吗Didyouseewhodidit?别着急嘛女士不过我确实看到了罪魁祸首Patience,fraulein.Ididseetheculprit,我现在就告诉你到底是谁干的andIamabouttotellyouwhoheorsheis.请欣赏我华丽辞藻的溢出Watchasthewordsemergefrommymouth.破坏手办的凶手不是别人Thedollmurdererisneinotherthan.我要晕了Iwillbepassingoutnowandallofthesethings.天杀的Damnit.丽萍你也来收拾屋子吗1.isa.Areyoualsoupdustingforprints?我指消灭掉别人客房♥服务That'swhatIcalleatingleftoverfood剩下的食物offpeople'sroom-servicetrays.我不在乎Idon'tcare!再有任何一件坏事发生Ifonemorehorriblethinghappens,我就要疯了mgoingtoloseit.我的亲亲漫画男失踪了MysweetComicBookGuyisgone.当然了Ofcourseheis.我是说Imean.巴仔在监狱Bart,sinjail,ourone唯一可信的目击人被盾牌击晕了crediblewitnessjustgotsucker-shielded,漫画男失踪ComicBookGuyismissing,案子还是一点进展都没有andwe'restillnoclosertosolvingthecase.太多反转了Somanytwistsandturns.这算什么谋杀悬案Whatkindofmurdermysteryisthis?消停会塔伊加维迪提Stoptalking,TaikaWaititi.我知道了That'sit.我知道谁破坏了手办Iknowwhomurderedthetoy.不过我还需要一点辅佐ButIjustneedonething.我要观众们听我侦探大揭秘Anaudiencetowatchmemilkthebigreveal.破坏漫画男手办的凶手ThemurderofComicBookGuy'sactionfigure就是他本人wascommittedbyComicBookGuyhimself.跟随直觉我写信给伦敦的辛迪加劳介社Basedonahunch,IwrotetoLIoyd,sofLondon,己迪加劳合社英国最大保险商并得到了辛迪加本人的回应他人真好and1gotthisresponsefromLloydhimself.Goodguy.漫画男对手办进行过鉴定ComicBookGuyhadthedollappraisedandinsured并投了93.5万英镑的保险for935,000Britishpounds.于是他关了灯So,heturnedoffthelights为得到这笔保险金andmurderedtheplasticactionmanhimself自己破坏了手办fortheinsurancemoney.但是那时他知道我们怀疑他了Butthenheknewthatwewereontohim,或者说实话是我已经盯上了他or,let'sfaceit,Iwasontohim.所以他深夜逃之夭夭So,hetookflightinthedeadofnight,逃走前把手办的头栽赃扔到巴仔客舱里butnotbeforeplantingthedoll'sheadinBart'scabin,并打晕了他罪行的一位目击者andknockingouttheonewitnesstothecrime.过气动作明星雷尼尔.沃卡索washed-upactionstarRainierWolfcastle.说的对That'sfair.现在漫画男估计NowComicBookGuy'sprobably正在热带海滩喝着迈泰鸡尾酒onatropicalbeachsomewheresippingmaitais.还不知道他那恶毒的罪行1.ittledoesheknowthathisheinouscrime已经被我这个侦查大&hearts刃干♥hasbeenexposedbyme,MasterSleuth以及即将完成翻拍的andstaroftheupcomingreboot奇异果大冒险中的明星Kiwi'sBigAdventure,塔伊加维迪提揭露于世TaikaWaititi.他真的做到了Wow,hereallydidit.辐射侠六种难以置信的伽马射线颜色已上市天啊Oh,myGod.我怎么能这么蠢HowcouldIhavebeensostupid?非常棒塔伊加维迪提Amazingwork,TaikaWaititi.我知道你刚侦破了案件Iknowyoujustcrackedthecase,但我也有自己的一套小理论butIhavealittletheoryofmyown.有人想听吗Doesanyonewanttohearit?没有No!好了大家听听又何妨Oh,comeon,people.What'stheharm?谢谢你塔伊加Thankyou,Taika.现在根据你的回忆Now,asyourecall,这种特别的辐射侠手办therewereonlytwooftheseirregularradioactivemandolls全世界只做了两个madeinthewholeworld.我记得Oh,Iremember.如果是另一只手办的主人Whatiftheowneroftheotherdoll收到了什么坏消息receivedsomebadnews并狂怒下弄坏了他们的那个andbroketheiractionfigureinafitofrage?然后如果那个主人也参加了这次巡游Andthenwhatifthatownercameonthiscruisespecifically用他们坏掉的手办和漫画男完好的那个掉包toswapouttheirbrokenfigureforComicBookGuy'sintactone这样他们就能占有唯一一个sothattheycouldsecretlypossesstheonlyRadioactiveMan带有金刚狼爪的辐射侠withWolverineclawsleftinexistence?我还发现一件很有趣的事AndIjustdiscoveredsomethingquiteinteresting,这也多亏船上配备了thankstotheship,sonboardWi-Fi,各点位都信♥号♥♥极佳的无线网络whichisspottyatbest.根据一家网站信息Accordingtothiswebsite,第二个手办thatseconddollwassold极客手办追踪器在新西兰或灵顿售出inWellington,NewZealand,他们那里”颜色“一词拼写多一个“u"wheretheyspell,Colour"Witha"U."那么这艘船上的谁来自新西兰Now,whoonthisboatdoweknowcomesfromNewZealand?这可真是个聪明的理论Well,that'saveryclevertheory.但如果是新西兰人犯罪Butifit'sacrimetobefromNewZealand,你要先逮捕弦乐航♥班♥那两位you'dhavetoarrestbothguysfromFlightoftheConchords.他们叫什么来着弗雷德和吉莫西Whatar
