ParksandRecreation《公园与游憩（2009）》第五季第十五集完整中英文对照剧本.docx

嗯蜜月也太棒了Well,thehoneymoonwasamazing.我们看到的车站Wesawthebusstop曾是少年奥巴马坐着等车的地方whereayoungBarackObamausedtositandwaitforthebus.理论上有可能Theoretically.-It'spossible.然后我们去了檀香山市政厅ThenWewentandvisitedHonoluluCityHall.不是吧Shutup.哦天啊是什么样子的Oh,myGod,whatwasitlike?太棒了嗯是看起来太棒了但它关门了Itwasamazing.WelLitlookedamazing,butitwasclosed.哦我的天太扫兴了Oh,myGod,bummer.好的我带了礼物Okay,Ihavepresents!嗯.Chris我们给你带了棵阿萨伊树Um.Chris,wegotyouanAcaitree因为阿萨伊浆果是超级食物becausetheAcaiberryisasuperfood.也是超级礼物Andasupergift.Donna我们给你带了点咖啡因为你说原话是Donna,wegotyousomecoffee,becauseyousaid,andIquote,“我对咖啡的口味和对男人一样"IlikemycoffeelikeIlikemymen.黑皮肤有钱身体强壮深色高脂口感醇厚Dark,rich,andfull-bodied."是的正是Yes,indeed.Ann我们给你搞到了点非常稀有的夏威夷生育茶Ann,wegotyousomeveryrareHawaiianfertilitytea,保证能让你生孩子guaranteedtohelpyouhaveababy.真是太好了你们是在哪找到的That'ssonice.Where'dyoufindthat?嗯我们餐厅的勤杂工Well,thebusboyatourrestaurant跟我们说了个在停车场见到的人toldusaboutaguywhowemetinaparkinglot,然后他有一整个背包的这种东西andthenhehadabackpackfullofthisstuff,而我刚刚意识到这不是茶andmjustrealizingnowthatit'snottea.那我就把它扔掉了Andmgonnathrowitaway.Ron这位是夏威夷怒气之神Ron,thisistheHawaiiangodofanger.它让我们想起了工作时的你Itremindedusofyouwhenyou'reatwork.一位帅气的绅士Ahandsomegentleman.我们也没忘记Jerry-是的是的WedidnotforgetJerry.-Right,right.我们给Jerry带了耳机WegotJerrysomeearbuds,还有一袋花生andabagofpeanuts,还有航♥班♥商品目录andtheSkymaIlcatalog.和你去华盛顿回来给我带的-样SamethingyougotmefromyourtriptoWashington!Tom我们给你搞到了一张你个人英雄的签名照Tom,wegotyouanautographedportraitofyourpersonalhero.不是吧Noway!夏威夷特勤组主演ScOttCaanScottCaanfromHawaiifive-0!April按你要求April,asrequested,我们把你给我们的盒子扔进那座火111了wethrewthatboxyougaveusintothatvolcano.谢谢Thankyou.Andy按你要求Andy,asyourequested,从Target连锁百货给你买♥♥了三件白T恤套装gotyouathree-packofwhiteT-shirtsfromTarget.谢谢我所有的都脏rThankyou.Allminearedirty.谢谢你夏威夷Thankyou,Hawaii.公园与游憩公园与游憩第5季第15集第5季第15集非常感谢Thankyousomuch.能来到这次Pawnee通讯记者午餐十分荣幸It,sgreattobehereatthePawneeCorrespondents'Lunch.这里有太多优秀的有才华的新闻工作者了There'ssomanywonderful,talentedjournalistshere.而这里还有一些来自PaWnee太阳报的记者AlsoherearesomereportersfromthePawneeSun.哦嘿嘿Oh,hey,hey.我爱Pawnee太阳报IlovethePawneeSun.有些人说它是一份无用的小报Somepeoplesaythatit'sauselesstabloid.但我不觉得它是无用的ButIdon'tthinkit,suseless.我觉得它很适合用来训狗排便Ithinkit'sgreatforhousebreakingpuppies.我在为Pawnee通讯记者午餐会做准备IampreppingforthePawneeCorrespondents'Lunch.这是一一场媒体和政♥府♥互相吐槽的年度活动It,sanannualaffairwherethemediaandthegovernmentroasteachother.我的首要目标Mynumberonetarget-气谁税Knope咬Knope抓住是最后的帮助Pawnee太阳报thePawneeSun.一年的36♥4♥天他们都在烤问我36♥4♥daysayear,theyrakemeoverthecoals.今天我把这些烤串用的煤炭抽出来Today,Itakethoseburningcoals,我塞回他们的喉咙里Ishovethembackdowntheirthroats,然后看着他们融化的血肉从无用的脸上流下来and1watchtheirmeltingfleshdripofftheirworthlessfaces!会很有趣的It,sallingoodfun.好的我还需要段子朋友们Okay,Ineedmorejokes,people.Ben今天上班第一天所以他不能帮我Benishavinghisfirstdayatwork,sohecannothelpme.所以我需要你们来干&hearts他♥的活SoIneedyouguystopickuptheslack.我有个段子给你好Ihaveajokeforyou.-Okay.这个镇的政♥府♥十分优秀Thegovernmentinthistownisexcellent有效利用了你们的税款andusesyourtaxdollarsefficiently.这不是个真正的段子RonThat'snotreallyajoke,Ron.我不同意我觉得很好笑Idisagree.Ifindithilarious.AnnPerkins-嘿ChrisAnnPerkins!-Hey,Chris!要跑去开会了Gottoruntoameeting.和RonWithRon.好主意我也要跑去开下一个会Greatidea!llruntomynextmeeting.抱歉门是开的Sorry,thedoorwasopen.我希望这个办公室只有墙Iwishthisofficehadonlywalls.Chris一周前和他的女朋友分手了Chrisbrokeupwithhisgirlfriendaweekago,而我决定请他做我孩子的父亲andIhavedecidedtoaskhimtobethefatherofmybaby.只是我没能鼓起勇气问他ExceptIcannotworkupthenervetodoit.原来卡片公♥司&hearts般做过Turnsouttheydon'tmakegreetingcards问你前男友能不能为你人工授精的卡片foraskingyourex-boyfriendifhewillartificiallyinseminateyou.实际上Ron我-我想问你一点关于如何直率坦诚的建议Actually,Ron,I-Icoulduseyouradviceonhowtobebluntandhonest.我想让我的朋友为我做点事Iwantmyfriendtodosomethingforme,而我不知道如何开口andIdon'tknowhowtoaskhim.你想让他做什么Whatdoyouwanthimtodo?种榕树Plantficuses.在我前院Inmyfrontyard.史上最恶心的比喻Grossestmetaphorever.我见过你的房♥子veseenyourhouse.他如果在你后院种榕树成功率更大You'dhavemoresuccessifheplantedficusesinyourbackyard.不我不觉得No,Idon'tthinkso.无论如何要是他觉得我要求得太过分了Anyway,whatifhethinksmaskingtoomuchofhim,而我找他帮忙种榕树and1askhimtoplanttheficuses,而她不想帮而他变得奇怪了andhedoesn'twantto,andhegetsweirdaboutit,毁了我们的友情怎么办anditruinsourfriendship?那就自己去种那该死的榕树啊Thenplantthedamnficusesyourself.我真希望有那个可能Iwishthatwerepossible.我们太激动能让你们和我们合作Wearesoexcitedtohaveyouworkingwithus在这全新的Sweetums基金会hereattheall-newSweetumsFoundation.这是你的办公室Thisisyouroffice.这也太惊人了Thisisincredible.看看那些艺术品啊Andlookatthatart.啊是的我已故的丈夫Ah,yes.Mylatehusband.他也太衰老了Hewassodecrepit.我真的喜欢帮助他人Ireallylikehelpingpeople.运营新的Sweetums慈善基金会允许我这么做RunningthenewSweetumsFoundationcharityallowsmetodothat也能在办公室里工作andworkinanoffice这里的红木比现在亚马逊雨林总剩余量还多withmoremahoganywoodthancurrentlyremainsintheAmazonrainforest.所以双赢So,win-win.除了雨林Exceptfortherainforest.我需要你明天前选出第一个慈善Ineedyoutoselectyourfirstcharitybytomorrow.Sweetums的公共形象目前已经是历史最低点了Sweetums'publicimageiscurrentlyatanall-timelow.是啊甚至有流言说巧克力是用老鼠肉块做的Yeah,there'sevenarumorgoingaroundthatthechocolateismadeofratparts.嗯Well.你知道他们是怎么说流言的Youknowwhattheysayaboutrumors.是啊-基本上是真的Yeah.-They'remostlytrue.包括那个老鼠的吗Includingtheratthing?是啊你能怎么办呢Yeah.Whatareyougonnado?风味就是从那来的啊It'swherealltheflavorcomesfrom.哦你看看我尾巴上有个污点了Oh,wouldyoulookatthat.Thereisasmudgeonmytail.哦Oh!这卜好多了Allbetter.女士们先生们欢迎来到Pawnee通讯记者午餐会1.adiesandgentlemen,welcometothePawneeCorrespondents'Lunch,这里政♥治♥家和媒体互相开玩笑wherepoliticiansandthemediamakefunofeachother.但如果你问我But,ifyouaskme,我们应该开这里食物的玩笑weshouldbemakingfunofthefood.尼克松水门事件中的著名否认言论“我不是个骗子”“我可不是厨师”"Iamnotthecook.哦哎呀哎呀哎呀Oh,well,well,well.这不是Pawnee太阳报的KimTerlando吗Ifitisn'tKimTerlandofromthePawneeSun.你碰巧有开罐器吗Doyouhappentohaveacanopener?因为我要准备给你来个这个了'Causemabouttoopenthisonyou.大满贯你是为了此刻专门做了那个“大满”罐吗Didyoumakethatcanof"whoopass"forthisexactmoment?是啊我有备而来Yeah,Icameprepared.我正是这么想的dexpectnothingless.祝你演讲好运GoodIuckwithyourspeech.呃我的演讲不需要你的好运Uh,myspeechdoesn,tneedyourluck.它需要一个外科主治医生的警告ItneedsaSurgeonGeneral'swarning因为它对你的健康太有害了becauseit'ssoharmfultoyourhealth.哦看啊这里有一张呢Oh,look,ithasone.外科主治医生警告我有备到这个程度了That'showreadyIam.你这么自信我很高兴mgladyou'resoconfident.很高兴见到你-见到你也很好Nicetoseeyou.-Itwasnicetoseeyoutoo.Chris我能跟你聊一会儿吗Chris,canItalktoyouforasecond?当然我等不及了稍等Absolutely.Icannotwait.Onesecond.不好意思先生我觉得我意外分到了肉食餐Excuseme,sir.IthinkIaccidentallygotthemeatoption.是啊而我分到了素食餐Yeah,and1gottheveggieoption.ShaunaMalwae-TweepShaunaMalwae-Tweep,我的前女友myex-girlfriend.看起来你和我有一次经典的混淆了ItseemslikeyouandIhaveaclassicmix'emup.是啊居然在这里碰到你Yeah,fancymeetingyouhere.这对你来说不尴尬吧对吧Thisisn'tawkwardforyou,isit?Chris没事的Chris,it'sokay.你想换吗我饿死了-当然Youwannaswitch?mstarving.-Definitely.哇看看这个新挖出的考古坑这个地方太厉害了Whoa!Checkoutthenewdigs.Thisplaceisinsane.谢谢你们来伙计们Thanksforcoming,guys.我忙得不可开交我需要你们的帮助msuperswamped,andIneedyourhelp.不帮Pass.你大老远来这就是告诉我不帮忙吗Youcamedownheretopassonhelpingme?是啊我想看看我说不时你脸上的表情Yeah,IwantedtoseewhatyourfacelookedlikewhenIsaidno.完全值了Itwastotallyworthit.Andy你还好吗Andy,areyouokay?哦我没事Oh,mfine.只是人生没有意义It,sjustthatlifeispointless什么都无所谓我一直好累andnothingmattersandmalwaystired.还有我睡不着我吃太多Also,Ican'tsleep,movereating,我的老爱好我都没兴趣了noneofmyoldhobbiesinterestme.均为抑郁的典型症状自从Andy的警校考试失败之后EversinceAndyfailedthepoliceacademyexam,他的自尊心掉到了谷底hisself-esteemhashitrockbottom.他总是伤心得一身汗He'salwayssadandsweaty.他平时经常是开心得一身汗的He'susuallyhappyandsweaty.我明天就要选出我们第一个慈善项目了Ihavetopickourfirstcharitybytomorrow,而这里有一万份申请andthere'samillionapplications.你们能帮我选出一些吗Canyouguyshelpmesort'emout?你知道吗听起来挺有意思的Youknowwhat?Thissoundslikefun.宝来嘛我们来帮他会很有意思的Babe,comeon.Let'shelphim.It'llbefun.嗯听起来你们已经搞定了那我就走了Well,itsoundslikeyouguysgotitcovered.mgonnaheadout.实际上我有自己的慈善工作要做Actuallyhavemyowncharitytoattendto.汤汤肚肚基金会Tommy'stummyfoundation.嗯他们这里会给我安排豪华午餐Well,theybringmefancyluncheshere.如果你留下你也可以吃Ifyoustay,youcanhavesome.啥螃蟹还有鱼了酱What?Crab,caviar?谨代表汤汤肚肚基金会OnbehalfofTommy'stummyfoundation,我很高兴接受这笔慷慨捐赠mhappytoacceptthisgenerousdonation.请欢迎KimTerlandoPleasewelcomeKimTerlando.谢谢你MartinThankyou,Martin.很高兴来到这里It,snicetobehere与所有优秀新闻工作者共处amongalloftheseexcellentjournalists.还有和我一起在Pawnee太阳报工作的人们AndalsothepeoplethatworkwithmeoveratthePawneeSun.该死Damnit.那是我的开场啊Thatwasmyopener.嗯我爱在太阳报工作好吗NowIIoveworkingattheSun,okay?我知道你们都觉得这只是份无用的小报AndIknowyouallthinkit'sjustauselesstabloid,但它不是butit'snot.它挺棒的Itisgreat.用来训狗排便Forhousebreakingpuppies.那是我的段子Thosearemyjokes.她在偷我的段子She'sstealingmyjokes.有人说太阳报报道事实的方式有问题SomepeoplesaythattheSunhasaproblemwiththetruth.没有问题我们只是无视掉There'snoproblem,wejustignoreit.Jerry别笑了那些都是偷来的笑话)erry,stoplaughing.Thosearestolenjokes!死无全尸Totallydead.我要怎么做啊WhatamIgonnado?哦我刚刚给自己开了个“大满罐”Oh!Ijustopenedupacanof"whoopass"onmyselfi我记得第一次记者午餐会IremembertheveryfirstCorrespondents1Lunch.我进来坐的是单马马车Irodehereinahorseandbuggy.不不不那不是个笑话No,no,no,thatwasn'tajoke.我真的是Iactuallydid.那也不是个笑话Thatalsowasnotajoke.RonKim讲了我所有的段子所有的Ron,Kimtoldallmyjokes,allofthem.她肯定是搞到了我演讲稿的一份复印件Shemusthavegottenacopyofmyspeech.有人搞丢了复印件吗Didanybodylosetheircopy?没-在这呢Nope.-Righthere.我的就在这Mineisrighthere.哦哎呀Oh,jeez.去站在角落里反思你自己做了什么Gostandinthecornerandthinkaboutwhatyou'vedone.而且不准吃甜食Andnodessert!我需要新的材料它必须很好Ineednewmaterial,anditneedstobegreat,需要语惊四座anditneedstoknockpeopleontheirbutts,需要超越吐槽喜剧的整个类型anditneedstotranscendthegenreofroastcomedy.Perkins开始-哦哇呃好吧Perkins,go.-Oh,wow.Um,okay,所以Milton议员很老了对吧soCouncilmanMiltonisold,right?而且他戴着一根绿色领带Andhe'swearingagreentie.所以就或许那里有点啥So,like,maybethere,ssomethingthere,就比如和他一起上高中的同伴都是恐龙where,like,hewenttoschoolwithhishigh-schoolbuddiesthatweredinosaurs.而且他的领带是绿的Andhistieisgreen.他们都是绿的They'regreen.哦Ann你太好看了不可能好笑的Oh,Ann,you'retoobeautifultobefunny.不是你的错It'snotyourfault.你从没需要为任何事做补偿You'veneverhadtocompensateforanything.你们其他所有丑呆子必须现在给我新段子Therestofyouuglynerdsneedtogivemesomejokesstat.BenBen?BenBen?在AndyYeah,Andy.我觉得我可能找到了确实挺酷的东西IthinkImighthavefoundsomethingthat'sactuallyprettycool.好吧嗯就放在旁边我待会儿看Okay,well,justputitaside,andllreaditlater.不Andy找到了他现在就要跟你讲No.Andyfoundit,andhe'sgonnatellyouaboutitrightnow.来吧宝Go,babe.呃是红杉音乐项目Uh,it'stheRedwoodMusicProgram.是给高危儿童开的课后音乐课程It,sanafter-schoolmusicclassforat-riskkids.会把他们从街上拉回来哇It'llkeepthemoffthestreet.-Whoa.而街上你知道的很危险Andthestreets,asyouknow,aredangerous.举例-我有次掉进了下水道格栅Example-Ifellinasewergrateonce.在那呆了一天Iwasthereallday.结论是Inconclusion,我们不能让我们的孩子们再住在下水道里了Wecannotletourchildrenliveintheseweranylonger.红杉音乐项目-走法官大人阿门RedwoodMusicProgram-go,yourhonor,amen.真是个好主意That'sagreatidea.还有人碰到什么好东西了吗Anyoneelsecomeacrossanythinggood?TomTom?呃是啊Um,yeah.我有个好的Igotagoodone.叫做干净床单基金会It,scalledtheCleanSheetFoundation.就是我的选择That'smypick.他们为三K党提供法律援助TheyprovidelegalassistancetotheKKK.这就是你的选择吗Thisisyourpick?是啊能把棒棒糖给我吗Yeah.Canyoupassthebonbons?PerdHapley今天在这儿PerdHapleyisheretoday.或者用Perd的话说Or,asPerdwouldsay,“我的名字是PerdHapley"MynameisPerdHapley,而今天我在这里看到的人是我”andthepersonIseeheretoday.isme."所有人现在看起来都在笑了Everyoneseemstobelaughingnow.你看到Chris和Shauna之间发生什么了吗DoyouseewhatishappeningwithChrisandShauna?他们调情到快要着火了Theyareflirtinglikecrazy.太恶心了他们在公共场合啊It'sdisgusting.They'reinpublic.那叫做谈话That'scalledaconversation.Ron没有榕树好嘛Ron,therearenoficuses,okay?我想让Chris做我孩子的父亲IwantedtoaskChristobethefatherofmybaby.我的神啊GoodGod.而你选择的比喻是在你的前院种榕树吗Andthemetaphoryouchosewasplantingficusesinyourfrontyard?我本要等到他单身再问的Iwasgonnawaittillhewassingletoaskhim,但他现在又和Shauna调情了butnowhe'sflirtingwithShaunaagain.我要怎么做Whatdo1do?和你交谈很愉快-啥It,sbeennicetalkingtoyou.-What?或许我该玩模仿秀MaybeIshouldjustdoimpressions.”我是波拉特”有一个了,m-aBorat."There,sone.但我需要模仿没人听说过的ButIneedtodosomeonethatnoonehasheardbefore.比如我不知道NeveCampbell吗1.ike,Idon'tknow,NeveCampbell?NeveCampbell的声音是什么样的WhatdoesNeveCampbellsoundlike?我不知道Idon'tknow.谁他妈的告诉我NeveCampbell的声音是什公样的SomeonefuckingtellmewhatNeveCampbellsoundslike.就随便说两句然后赶紧下台吧Justkeepitshortandgetthehelloutofthere.谢谢Thankyou.我们的下一位嘉宾请我读这一段Ournextguesthasaskedmetoreadthis.哦不哦不我忘了我做了这事儿了Oh,no.Oh,no,IforgotIdidthis.)oan别-Joan,no-“绑上你们的成人纸尿裤吧各位"Straponyouradultdiapers,everyone.”因为你们马上就要笑尿了”"Becauseyou'reabouttowetyourselffromlaughter."掌声有请LeslieKnopeGiveitupforLeslieKnope.咋滴啦Pawnee"Whassup/'Pawnee?呃Um.波拉特Borat.嗯我的时间到了他们给我亮灯了Well,that'smytime.They'regivingmethelight.所以呃我做得很棒So,uh,Ididgreat谢谢LeslieKnopeThankyou,LeslieKnope.你知道他们怎么说的戏剧很难Youknowwhattheysay.Dramaishard,有时候喜剧就不是我们擅长的andsometimescomedyisnotinourwheelhouse.Tom你必须现在开那个吗Tom,doyouhavetorunthatrightnow?哦不BenOh,no,Ben!这些奶昔可不会自己做的啊Thesesmoothieswilljustblendthemselves!好吧Okay.觉得我们将赢家了ThinkIhaveourwinner.叫做乡村救护It,scalledRuralAmbu-care.他们想买♥♥辆救护车Theywanttobuyanambulance给住处离医院很远的人们forpeoplewholivefarawayfromthehospital.救护车很蠢Ambulancesaredumb.救护车什么时候帮过任何人的Whenhasanambulanceeverhelpedanyone?那Andy那个音乐的东西呢WhataboutAndy'smusicthing?嗯这是个很好的服务能帮上很多需要的人Well,thisisagreatservicethatwillhelpalotofneedypeople.对不起AndySorry,Andy.为啥不完全没事的Why?No,it'stotallyfine.我为他们开心那很棒mhappyforthem.That'sawesome.你知道我要干嘛吗Youknowwhatmgonnado?我要出去去呃车里了mgonnaheadoutto,uh,thecar.这里有点热有点出汗It,salittlehotinhere,alittlesweaty.嗯我非常的失望Well,mterriblydisappointed.但我肯定你决定帮助的医生还是长颈鹿还是随便什么ButmsurethedoctorsorgiraffesorWhateveryoudecidedtohelp会对随便你决定做的随便什么很激动的willbethrilledwiththewhateveryoudecidedtowhatever.我走了mouttie.干得漂亮团队Greatjob,team.咋了What?自从Andy的警校考试失败之后EversinceAndyfailedthepoliceexam,他真的很抑郁he,sbeenreallydepressed.找到一个蠢慈善是他几周来最激动的时候了Pickingoutadumbcharityisthemostexcitedhe,sbeeninweeks.你太自私了You'resoselfish.自私吗我在运营一个慈善机构啊Selfish?mrunningacharity.哦都是关于你做的事情不是吗Oh,it'sallaboutwhatyou'redoing,isn'tit?典型的BenClassicBen!抱歉生蛀忘了Sorry,forgottheoysters.干得不错Greatworktoday.ChristopherChristopher."Chris-偷-粉儿”"Chris-toe-fur."就像你在偷粉吃一样It,slikeyouhavefurrytoes.太好笑了Hilarious.我有个问题Ihaveaquestion.问你foryou.是非常重要的事情It,ssomethingveryimportant.就是Whichis.你的灵兽是什么Whatisyour.Spiritanimal?美洲豹为什么问这个Jaguar.Whydoyouask?做个调查Doin'asurvey.嗯调查完成了Well,surveycompleted.所以放轻松了Sotake'ereasy.呃你没问我啊但如果你问了Uh,youdidn'taskme.Butifyouhad,我会给出的答案是.狗狗theanswerIwouldhavegivenis.Doggie.ChrisAnn现在想问你一件事Chris,Annwantstoaskyousomethingrightnow.来AnnGo,Ann.在Perd面前吗-是的InfrontofPerd?-Yes.别再拖了来Nomoredelays.Go.我想生个宝宝你愿意捐精吗Iwanttohaveababy.Willyoubethespermdonor?这个情况的故事是Thestoryofthissituationis它极度的私人it'sextremelypersonal.考虑一下拜Thinkitover.Bye.1.eSIie请