美剧《摩登家庭》英语剧本彩色打印版.doc

01 “Dude Ranch” .Captain: We're beginning our initial descent into Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Thank you for flying United. .Phil: Reckon we'll be landing soon. .Claire: Phil, honey, you promised. not till we got there. . .Phil: This year, we're going to a dude ranch with the whole family. .Claire: Mm-hmm. The family. . .Haley: What if Dylan buys his own ticket? We'll be sleeping in separate cabins. .Phil: What if Dylan and I share a horse? .Claire: Mm, I hate landing. .Dylan: We'll get through this. . .Gloria: Wow! Oh, my goodness. .Jay: What are you doing? .Gloria: I want my ears to pop. .Manny: Try putting a little Rouge on 'em. Nobody gets me. .Mitchell: Wow. Isn't this beautiful, little cowgirl? .Cameron: You hate her sparkly outfit, don't you? .Mitchell: No, I told you, it's fine. I just didn't like you wearing a matching one. . .Mitchell: So we haven't told the family yet, but we've decided to adopt a baby boy. . 1 .- Page 4-Cameron: From America this time. You might say we're "buying domestic." .Mitchell: In private. You might say that in private. .Cameron: Our adoption attorney told us it would be a good idea to make a photo book to show prospective moms. .Mitchell: But he thought that Cam's version was a little too "artsy," so we've decided to take a few rugged shots at the ranch to, you know, balance it out. .Cameron: I don't think it need balancing out. .Mitchell: Really? .Cameron: It's called "Production value." . .OPENING CREDITS . .Mitchell: Horse. .Gloria: Look, Jay! So beautiful! .Jay: Your ears haven't popped yet, huh? .Gloria: I'm like the horse whisperer. But something is making this one skittish. .Dylan: Whoa. Look at the mountains. .Haley: They're amazing. .Dylan: I've never been this far from home before now I've never been this far. .Claire: Where's a cliff when you need one? .Jay: Look, kids! A real life cowboy! .Luke: Oh. Come see. Come see. .Claire: Uh-oh. .Luke: What's he doing? .Claire: Oh, my. 2 .- Page 5-Hank: My name is Hank. Here at the Lost Creek Ranch, you're gonna ride, you're gonna rope, and you're gonna shoot. You're gonna see a sky so full of stars, it'll put your city lights to shame. And when it's all done, you might just encounter a piece of yourselves you never knew was there. Are there any questions? .Manny: Uh, do we book spa treatments through you or. .Hank: I like you, kid. I'm gonna call you "Hollywood." .Manny: That wasn't an answer. .Hank: And who's this cactus flower? .Gloria: What? .Jay: That's my wife Gloria. .Hank: Well, she's "Cactus Flower" now, old-timer. .Jay: These, uh, these nicknames. are they set in stone? . .Hank: Okey dokey. You ready, gunslinger? .Phil: I heard word of trouble in these parts. Pull! That oughta fix it, eh, Jay? .Jay: You got a piece of it. .Phil: I've been practicing like crazy, all my cowboy skills. shootin', ropin'. pancake eatin'. Why? Because sometimes I feel like Jay doesn't respect me as a man. . .Phil: It's just that when you say, "Phil is my son-in-law," it sounds like you're saying, "Phyllis, my son-in-law." .Jay: That's ridiculous. .Phil:Okay, who's your son-in-law? .Jay: Phyllis. . . 3 .- Page 6-Phil: I'm not asking for a hug. I just want to get that look of newfound respect, like. Or. Or. mm. Yeah. . .Phil: Check it out. Two birds, one leg. Pull it! Not bad, eh, Old-timer? .Hank: Uh, see, slappy only had three fingers. .Gloria: What? .Hank: He only had three fingers. Who's next? .Mitchell: Oh, me. Me. .Cameron: Oh, this is good. This is good. Tres macho. No smile. Don't smile. Good. .Hank: You ready? .Mitchell: Wait. Do I say "pull"? Sorry. Sorry. .Jay: Mitchell, why don't you go find Manny at the spa? Wouldn't that be more fun? .Mitchell: Yeah. . .Mitchell: I realized that if I was gonna raise a boy, I needed to butch up my life. You know, I wanted to be able to teach my son all the things that my Dad taught Claire. . .Luke: Hey, Hollywood. .Manny: I don't love that. .Luke: Wanna see something? .Manny: Oh, my gosh. Is that a firecracker? .Luke: Shh! Now I just need to find the perfect thing to blow up. .Manny: Is that thing even legal? .Luke: Not here. It's from Germany. If they had this during the war, right now we'd all be knee-deep in strudel. . 4 .- Page 7-Alex : Watch it! .Jimmy: What you doing, eh? You readin'? .Alex : Trying to. .Jimmy: I'm not so good at it either. .Alex : I'm not surprised. .Jimmy: That was a joke. I'm Jimmy Scrivano. You want to see me do a cannonball? .Alex : I'd rather see you get hit by one, but. .Jimmy: Ha. Good one, gorgeous. . .Gloria: Jay! Is this like the lobster?! Do I get to pick one for dinner? Because this one looks very tender. .Hank: Look alive, Old-timer. One of your calves is getting away. .Jay: Hey, something's wrong with my horse. She's veering left. When this happened to my Uncle, it was a stroke. .Hank: Oh, there's nothing wrong with Buttercup. You just gotta let her know who's boss! Beautiful form, Cactus Flower! Beautiful! You look like a dadgum conquistadora! .Jay ; She's deaf, but I can hear ya. .Cameron: Why are you riding that way? .Mitchell: I'm afraid that cow over there might bite me. .Cameron: Oh, yes, he's gonna come up and bite you because your leg looks so desirable with those. are those canvas? .Claire: Okay, Phil, ease that one back over towards me. .Phil: Got it. .Claire: Ease him back this way. .Phil: Hey! Piece of cake, huh, Jay? Huh? . 5 .- Page 8-Hank: Ease that one over to Bossy. .Phil: Which one's Bossy? .Hank: That's my nickname for your wife. .Phil: Hilarious. .Haley: Go, Mom! Whoo! .Dylan: Yeah, Mom! You rock! .Claire: Oh, I wish I had a rock. .Phil: Hey. It wouldn't kill you to be nice to Dylan. .Claire: It might. But, honey, I don't know why you always stick up for him. Haley can do so much better. .Phil: Because I know what it's like to fall for a girl whose dad thinks I'm not good enough. .Claire: All right, you're right. I can make more of an effort. .Phil: That's the woman I love. .Hank: We taking a little break over here? Laying some pipe. .Phil: No. Sorry. I was just talking to Bossy. .Hank: Uh-huh. .Claire: Phil! .Phil: I'm sorry. .Gloria: Jay, look! I got this one! I got this one! .Jay: She's veering left again. When we get back, I'm gonna see if she can track a pencil with her eyes. . .Alex : Okay, Lily, I'm going to push you one more time. Now don't kick me, okay? Aah! Oh! Lily! I said don't kick me. Okay? . 6 .- Page 9-Jimmy: You know it's your own fault that's happening. Why don't you try standing behind her? .Alex : You are an idiot. .Jimmy: Oh, really? I ain't the one getting kicked. .Alex : Why are you following me? .Jimmy: Why are you fighting me here, gorgeous? This works. .Alex : I really, really don't appreciate you calling me "gorgeous." I just want to enjoy time with my family, so if you don't mind. mm! .Jimmy: Not a problem. See you around, sunshine. .Lily: You kissed a boy! .Alex : No, the boy kissed me. Okay, Lily? The boy kissed me. . .Dylan: I rode a horse for the first time today wasn't surprised when it went. neigh .Claire: Okay. Hey, Dylan. .Dylan: Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. .Claire: I was wondering if we could have a little chat. .Dylan: Oh. You want me to go home. .Claire: No, no. It's the. the opposite of that. .Dylan: I want you to go home? .Claire: No, I, um, I want you to know how glad I am that you're here. .Dylan: Really? 'Cause sometimes I just get this vibe you don't like me. .Claire: Oh. Dylan, no. I'm sorry. I-I like you. I-I like you a lot. I just. It's complicated because Haley's my daughter. .Dylan: Whoa. Whoa, whoa. You are totally a hot mom, but I can't do this. . 7 .- Page 10-Claire: Oh, my God. Okay, we. there's. no, no. I merely meant that I'm sorry if I made you feel unwelcome. .Dylan: Whew! That would have been awkward. .Claire: So awkward. .Dylan: You know, but for the record, Mrs. Dunphy. .Claire: Yes? .Dylan: If Haley wasn't my girlfriend. .Claire: Yeah. .Dylan: And Mr. Dunphy was out of the picture. .Claire: Mm-hmm. .Dylan: I would be honored to share your bed and raise Luke, Alex, and Haley as my own. .Claire: Okay. Good talk. . .Gloria: She'll be running down the mountain. she'll be running down the Mountain when she comes .Jay: The song ended two minutes ago. .Hank: Well, I'll tell you what. She could play Evita. .Jay: Really? You notice the crickets left? Anyone want more water? .Mitchell: Oh, Dad, I'll take one. .Jay: Heads up. .Claire: Oh, my gosh. .Mitchell: Oh. It was. it was dark. I-I couldn't see it. Thank you. . .Manny: So did you set off the firecracker yet? . 8 .- Page 11-Luke: When I do, you won't have to ask. First, all the electronics will go out, then comes the heat flash. Afterwards, the living will envy the dead. .Manny: And yet I'm the one on the "No-fly" list. .Cameron: You know what? Maybe next time I'll just catch it and then hand it to you. .Mitchell: Oh, okay. Yeah, let's do that. You. you do everything, and I'll do nothing. .Cameron: Something on your mind? .Mitchell: This isn't the right place to talk about it. .Cameron: Okay. .Mitchell: I-I'm s. I'm not sure if we should have another baby. .Cameron: What? Are you serious? .Mitchell: I think that we might be rushing into this. .Cameron: Rushing into. we've been working. .Dylan: Everybody, it's me, Dylan. I just wanted to thank you all for bringing me on this trip and making me feel like one of the family, uh, especially Bossy. So I can't think of a better time to ask something of the woman that I love. Okay. .Claire: No, no. .Dylan: Haley Gwendolyn Dunphy, will you do me the honors of being my lawfully wedded. .Claire: No. No, no, no, no, no. No proposals. Not now. Not gonna happen. She's a child, so. .Haley: Mom! .Claire: You're still in high school! .Dylan: I meant after she graduates. .Claire: Not then. Not now. Not ever. Seriously, what are you two gonna live off of? The. the. the royalties from the horsey song? Put it back in your pocket. .Haley: Would you stop it? . 9 .- Page 12-Claire: No, I won't. I won't. .Dylan: No, it's okay. I guess I'll just turn in. Just so you know, there's a fan in my cabin that sounds like someone crying. .Haley: Dylan, wait! I hate you! .Claire: Oh, come on. Haley, get back here! Phil, anything? .Phil: I think you said it all, Claire. You want me to rope her? I can, you know. .Hank: For what it's worth, my second wife was in high school. . .Cameron: Sweetie, here. Here we go. One, two, three. One, two, three. Gone. .Lily: It's gone! It's over there! .Cameron: It's not back there. .Lily: We counted to three. .Cameron: Yes. .Mitchell: Hey. .Cameron: Where have you been? .Mitchell: I-I slept on the couch in the lodge. I know you didn't want to have a big fight last night. .Cameron: Well, I'm ready now. .Mitchell: Cam, I'm sorry. Look, what if I can't do the father-son stuff? The hunting, the. the sports, the Three Stooges? You know what happens in real life when someone gets hit in the head with a ladder? They go to the hospital and they get an MRI. Never see that scene. .Cameron: I think you're overthinking this. You know, I love sports, I love the Stooges. We've got this covered. .Mitchell: No. No, you. you got it covered, but I'm just stuck on the sidelines, pretending to understand the rules, and. You know, my dad was a rough-and-tumble guy, and I just. I could never relate to him. And I don't know. I just don't think I could handle disappointing. two generations. . 10 .- Page 13-Cameron: I think you're more masculine than you give yourself credit for. .Mitchell: Who puts a birdhouse next to a porch? . .Gloria: Claire, I know that you're worried that Dylan is gonna break Haley's heart, but I see in his eyes that he's gonna stick with her forever. No matter what, he's always going to be with her. On your deathbed. .Claire: Okay. All right. I can't take this anymore. I'm gonna go find her. .Jay: No. You push too hard, you chase her right into his arms, you'll end up with a boob for a son-in-law. Believe me, you don't want that. .Phil: What's that supposed to mean? .Jay: What? .Haley: Hey, have you guys seen Dylan? .Claire: No. No. Why? .Haley: I'm not talking to you. He said he was going out for a walk last night, and no one's seen him since. .Phil: Sweetheart, I'm sure he's fine. Maybe after last night, he just went home. .Manny: Doubt it. He left his luggage. .Haley: We have to do something