哄女孩子开心的妙招之讲笑话.docx

哄女孩子开心的妙招之讲笑话1 什么地方的用户最喜欢关机？ 1 what local user most like shutdown? 宁波 Ningbo 因为有人说:对不起，您拨的用户已关机。 Because some people say: sorry, the subscriber you dialed is power off. 2.哪两种蔬菜使用手机？ 萝卜白菜 2 what two vegetables using a mobile phone? Turnip cabbage 3.菲尔普斯最崇拜的中国人是谁 Who is the 3 most admired Chinese Phelps 巴金 Ba Jin 4.一天，茄子走在大街，忽然打了一个很大的喷嚏。它抹了把鼻涕生气地说：“又TMD在拍集体照了！” The 4 day, eggplant, walking in the street, suddenly a big sneeze. It put his nose and said angrily: "and TMD in the group photo shoot!" 5.老领导感叹， 5 the old leadership lamented, 你们多幸福啊， How happy you are, 小姐遍地， Miss earth, 俺那时出差不仅没小姐， I was on a business trip did not miss, 回来全家七口挤在一起， Back the family of seven crowded together, 想亲热一下 Want to make out 还得往门外撒把糖， Have to the door and put the sugar, 再喊： Call again: “孩子们我压住你妈快去抢糖啊！” "The children I hold your mom go grab the sugar!" 6.手机用户最喜欢去哪？ 6 mobile phone users the most like to go? 吉林通化 Jilin Tonghua “对不起，您拨打的用户正在通话” "Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is busy now" 7.医生快给我看病！我有健忘症！ The 7 doctor fast to see me! I have amnesia! 你什么时候发现你有这种病的？ What time do you find that you have the disease? 什么病.？ What disease.? 8.有一天 咖啡杯和玻璃杯同时走在路上。突然后面有人喊：“小心啊，有车！” 8 one day Coffee cup and glass and walk on the road. Suddenly behind someone shouted: "be careful, a car!" 结果 玻璃杯被压岁了。咖啡杯没事哦。 为什么呢？ The glass is pressed. Oh Coffee cup. Why? 因为 咖啡杯有耳朵 玻璃杯没有呀 Because Coffee cup ears glasses do not have 9.甲：你年薪多少 9 A: your yearly salary 乙：800万。 B: 8000000. 甲：那一个月有80万哦 A: there are 800000 that month 乙：是的，这是基本工资。 B: Yes, this is the basic wage. 甲：不错嘛，做什么的 A: Well, what to do 乙：做梦的 B: Dream 10.你姓啥？ 10 of your last name? 我姓魏 My name is Wei 魏什么啊？ Wei what ah? 不为什么，我爸姓魏我就姓魏 For no reason, my dad named Wei I surnamed Wei 11.一个兰州拉面馆前， 11 a Lanzhou hand-pulled noodles museum, “老板，拉一碗面！” "The boss, a bowl of noodles!" “你要敢吃，我就敢拉！” "You have to dare to eat, I will pull!" “” "." 12.谁都生活在黑暗中？ 12 who are living in the dark? 小叮当 Tinker Bell (because he is blind) 13.一个小孩和他爸去公共澡堂洗澡，因为地面比较湿，小家伙滑了一下，情急之下抓住他爸的小jj，没有滑倒。不过痛坏了他爸，他爸骂了一句“臭小子，要是和你妈来，非摔死你不可” 13 a child and his father go to public bathhouse take a shower, because the ground is wet, the little guy slipped, panic seized his father's small JJ, no slip. But the pain broke his father, his father scolded, "smelly boy, and if your mom, you can not be non die" 14.有只公鹿在路上跑 越跑越快 最后变成了高速公鹿 14 bucks on the road to run faster and finally became high male deer 有一个心细的公鹿在路上跑 越跑越快 最后变成的心细高速公鹿 There is a talk of the male deer runs faster and finally became the road Xinxi high-speed stag 15.汽车会飞. 15. Cars can fly 猜一种饮料. Guess a drink. 咖啡. Coffee. 因为.(Car)-(飞) Because. (Car) - (fly) 16.我来一个 16 me 小布什和他老婆ML时为什么总是用女上位？ Why to always use the female superior George W. Bush and his wife ML? 答：因为小布什总是FUCK UP! Answer: because George W. Bush always FUCK UP! 17.26个字母去掉e和t还剩几个字母？ 17.26 letters from E and T with a few letters? 21个，因为ET是坐UFO走的 21, because ET is sitting UFO go 18.一个七分熟的牛排和一个五分熟的牛排相遇了，可它们却没有打招呼 18 a medium steak and a steak cooked five met, they didn't say hello 因为都不熟嘛 Because all unfamiliar 19.阿拉丁有几个哥哥 The 19 Aladdin brothers 3个，阿拉甲，阿拉丙，阿拉乙 3, we a, Ara C, Alane 20.爷爷对孙子说：你知道金庸写的十四本书可以连成一副对联吗？飞雪连天射白鹿，笑书神侠倚碧鸳！ 20 grandpa to Sun Tzu said: you know Jin Yong wrote fourteen books can be connected into a poetic couplet? The snow was badly shot Bailuyuan, Xiaoshu god man leaning Bi yuan! 孙子不屑地说：你知道JK罗琳写的七本书可以连成一句话吗？哈哈哈哈哈哈哈 Sun Tzu said dismissively: you know JK Rowling wrote seven books can be connected together in a word? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. 21.话说有一只小白兔在跑步 21 words is a rabbit in the running 它跑两步就向右转头 It ran two paces to the right 再跑两步又向右转头 Then run two steps and turned right 又跑两步还向右转头 The two step is to turn and run 为什么 Why 因为它喜欢。 Because it is love. 22.有个妇人在一个高级餐厅带着孩子吃饭.这时候她撩起衣服想给孩子喂奶,结果被服务生阻止了.为什么?来自我要看笑话 22 a woman in a fancy restaurant with the children to eat. When she lifted the clothes to nurse to the child, the result is the service stopped. Why? 因为餐厅外面写着:本餐厅不准外带食物 Because the outside the restaurant says: this restaurant are not allowed to take away food 23.一對僑居意大利的中國夫婦，某天太太到市場買雞胸，因為她不懂意大利話，只好學雞叫，再指指自己的胸部，想買雞腳便指自己的腳，老闆看懂了；後來她想買香腸，卻回家叫丈夫來，為什麼？ 23 a pair of couples living in Italy China, one day, lady went to the market to buy chicken, because she did not understand the words in Italy, had to learn a chicken, then pointed to my chest, want to buy chicken feet he refers to his feet, the boss understood; then she wanted to buy the sausage, but home to call her husband, why? 因为他老公会讲意大利语 Because he speaks Italian husband 24.披着凉皮的狼 24 wolves in cold noodle 25.达芬奇密码的上面，是达芬奇帐号 The above 25 of the Da Vinci code, Da Vinci account 你知道达芬奇密码的下面是什么吗 Do you know what it is below the Da Vinci code 是达芬奇验证码 Da Vinci is the verification code 在二十楼和二楼向下跳的区别？ The difference between the twenty floor and two floor jump down? 二十楼：啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啪 Twenty floor: ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah pa 二 楼：啪啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊 Two floor: PA ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah 26.童话故事中谁的凶最平？ The 26 fairy tale who mean the most? 答：小红帽··· Answer: Little Red Riding Hood · 因为她的奶奶被狼吃了··· Because her grandmother was eaten by wolves · 27.三毛为什么执意要拔掉一根头发？ 27 why Sanmao insisted to pull a hair? 因为三毛想梳中分 Because Sanmao wanted to comb in 28.为什么在海边不能讲冷笑话？ 28 why is the sea can't tell a joke? 应为会引起海笑 To cause (Xiao) happened 29.父亲给儿子讲故事:从前有一只青蛙 29 father to son story: Once upon a time there was a frog. 儿子:有科幻故事吗？ Son: a science fiction story? 父亲：从前在太空里有一只青蛙 Father: Once upon a time there was a frog in space. 儿子：有限制级的吗？ Son: restricted? 父亲：嘘小声点，别让你妈听见。从前有一只没穿衣服的青蛙 Father: Shh, quiet, don't let your mother heard. Once upon a time there was a naked frog. 30.大象问骆驼.为什么你的咪咪长在背上. 30 the elephant asked a camel. Why do you Mimi long in the back 骆驼看了眼大象,说,死远点!我才不跟JJ长脸上的家伙说话! The camel to look at the elephant, said, get away as far as you can! I don't talk to JJ long face!