老爸老妈的浪漫史 第七季 第1620集英中字幕.doc

目 录第16集2第17集16第18集31第19集45第20集61第20集75第16集Sorry this is taking so long.He kicked for everybody else.It's hard for the little guyto perform under pressure.Top ten things Marshallsaid on his wedding night.Whoa! It was small,butI think I felt something.Top ten things Lily saidon her wedding night.Stop laughing at it,Lily.Top ten things Marshallsaid on his wedding night!Can we please talk about somethingother than my wedding night?Absolutely. Let's talk about last night.It was a night like any other.I was just about to get laid.Hey,Barney,I need your help.This hottie I'm talking to ismeeting her friend at a club,so I need a wingman.Well,just so you know,I'd begiving up a sure thing here.- Are you not a sure thing?- Yeah,I am.This "friend" of yours better beeven hotter and dumber than this one.Wow! You have Enormous PenisSyndrome? I've never heard of that.Yeah. That's the problemwith E.P.S. lack of awareness.That's why I'morganizing a 10K fun-run.Of course,many of uswill need wheelbarrows.You are so brave.And you are so understanding.Most people just stare at melike I'm some kind of freakin reinforced underwear.Poor,baby.I can't imagine what you're goingthrough because I never wear underwear.- Jackpot!- You want to get out of here?Oh,I don't know. This is allmoving kind of fast. Okay.Oh,but before we go,Ishould mention my condition.It's called: I'm Not aGullible Dumbass Disorder.As the former SurgeonGeneral,I've got to say,I don't think that's the real thing.Okay,just stop. Youhave no chance with me.We're just here asbackups for our friends.- Hey,how did you two meet,anyway?- No,we're not doing that first date dancewhere you pretend everythingI say is fascinating,thinking it'll somehowget you into my pants.What? Guys don't do that!Goat cheese? Fascinating! Whatelse are you allergic to,huh?You owe me three hoursfor last night,Mosby.I'm thinking,laser tagtournament in Newark this weekend.Ted can pass for under 18,right?It's a father-son thing.Marshall,we should get going. Anylater,and we'll be riding the Drunk Train.Oh. The Drunk Train?It's the last train of the nightback to Long Island. It's a mess.Just a bunch of drunk,sloppy idiots,fresh off a night ofpartying in the city,just desperate to hook upwith anything that moves.- Yeah.- Bye.See you.New plan,Ted.So this father-son thing.You know,a backwards baseballcap really youngs me down.All aboard!For Valentine's weekend,Lily and Marshall invited Kevin andRobin on a couple's getaway to Vermont.16 years together,and stillso in love. What's your secret?The key to relationshipsis understanding the differencebetween hearing and listening.- It's about respecting your partner's.- Opinions on.Kind of on a roll here.Relationships are a give and take,and that's why it'simportant to never keep score.Yeah,like how Barney's holdingthese three hours over Ted's head.If they were a couple,they'd never work.Obviously. Ted's a Taurus,andBarney is such a Scorpio.Good advice. Don't keep score.They're not even close to finished.How do we not keep score,you ask?Sounds like somebody want tohear some examples,sweetie.I'm just gonna close myeyes until it's all over.Top ten things Lily saidon her wedding night.Solid.Here's one.Every time Marshall'smom comes to visit us,we have to put out allthe tacky Minnesota giftsshe's bought us over the years.- Hi,Mom!- Hi,Mrs. Eriksen!Marshall.I don't see the gopher-hairtea cozy I made you.Guess it wasn't good enough for Lily.But I'd never hold that over Marshall,because if I did,he'd owe me big-time.Just like I would never hold it over youfor dragging me to thatexperimental theater piece.Is it. is it just screaming?justBut we don't keep score.Gotcha,loud and clear. Don't keep score.Because if we did,then Marshall wouldowe me for killing my cousin's dog.How did I know thathe would eat my wallet?Why was your walletfilled with chocolate?!So we're back to this argument!That night,Barney and I found ourselvesin a strange,new universe called.The Drunk Train.Where has this heavenlyvehicle been all my life?Can you hear its inspiring chant,Ted?I think I can get laid,Ithink I can get laid.It's-it's The Little Enginewith Wood,The Whore-ient Express.The Long Island Tail Road!Oh,I got one. Thomas the Spank Engine!Ted,that is a children's book.Okay,as fun as this placeis,it's late. So,what's our play?And don't say,"The Siamese Twins"" We'renot stretching out another one of my jackets.No,dude,this is the DrunkTrain. We don't need a play!All we have to do is sit back,playit cool,scope out the hotties,and by the end of the line,we willtotally be sleeping with someone.threeYou know,you are so great.You sat there listening toMarshall and Lily bicker all night,and you didn't complain once.Well,I am a therapist,soI do plan on billing them.I also have a couple powerfulmedications that might help.- Lily can't take anything; she's pregnant.- I meant for us.If we're getting through five moremeals and a sleigh ride with those guys,we need to be spaced out of our gourds.Well,if we are keeping score,Iowe you one weekend,mister.I was thinking alittle longer than that.What do you mean?Robin,will you marry me?Look,I know this is fast. I'm justexcited to start a life with you.If that's what you want.I'm-I'm not saying no.I'm-I'm not saying anything.I just,um. I-I needsome time to think.I totally understand. Um,takeas much time as you need.I'll just,uh. I'll just keepthis here until you're ready.- Any chance we could put that bad boy away for now?- It's really just staring at us,isn't it?Ted! Ted! Ted!I thought of some new greatnames for the Drunk Train.Slamtrak!The Chatta-NookieChoo-Choo!Thomas the Spank Engine!- I said that one yesterday.- I don't think you did.Wow. Someone's had some coffee.Yeah. 18 cups!There is no way I'mfalling asleep tonight!That Quinn girl is so wrong.She said I could never loveanything,but I love this train!She said you could neverlove anything? That's intense.Oh,you have no idea.Stop staring. Not gonna happen.Is there any way we can startover and get to know each other?I already know you.Oh,really?- You wear a suit all the time.- Obviously.You have a stupid rule about everything.I pay for the meal,you handle mydeal. That's just good manners.But you end most nights alone ata strip club,feeling empty inside,telling yourself your life is somehowepic or classic or. legendary.I never say epic or classic.Do you practice the dark arts?No,they did not forget the potatosalad in your takeout order!Wh-What happened next?!For the last time,I'm sorry.It's okay. Your debt is paid.You don't have to come onthe Drunk Train anymore.You're never gonna meetthe one there,anyway.- Oh,screw the one!- What?Every date I've been onlately has been brutal.Last week,I went out with a girlwhose favorite band was Glee.Plus,it's almost Valentine's Day,and I'm alone withoutanything close to a girlfriend.So. all aboard!I have never been moreproud of you. Come on.Ted,tonight is gonna beepic- wait for it- dary!Wait. No,that's not it.How do I usually say it?I hate this Quinn girl!- Well,I propose we order a bottle of wine.- Propose!Not propose. Suggest. I'm notmarried to the idea. Lily,take it.Why don't we get an appetizer?How about the. onion rings?I mean,diamond rings.I mean,diamond circles.I mean,onion circles. Iknow they're fattening,but I hear this placehas great onion circles.So,Robin,about not telling them?The green salad looks interesting.You're so much better without him.If you ask me,Vinnie's a real jerk.Hey,don't you dare badmouth Vinnie!- So what do you do?- Well,I teach architecture,and I also.Oh,big man with a job. Youthink yore better than me?What.So. where do you live?I'm on the Upper West Side.Oh,big man. Living in Manhattan.What,you think you're better than me?You think you're better than me?!Well,it's a close one.Lily made 14 awkward references tomarriage, and Marshall made an even 60.- I'm so sorry,Kevin.- It's okay.I'm gonna go to bed, but you guys thinktomorrow we can stop with all the marriage talk?- I do.- I do.That's a half a point each.- See you in a minute.- Okay.So? Are you any closer to deciding?well,there is something you don't know.Can you guys keep a secret?- Yeah.- Well,some of us can.Well,there's somethingI have been keepingfrom everyone for thelast couple of months.I found out that I can't have children.- I'm so sorry.- Yeah.- Are you okay?- I can't believe that we didn't know.No,you know,I've had some. timeto deal with this by myself,and.I'm okay. For real.- Are you sure?- Yeah.So. even though I love Kevin and I.think I want to say yes,Ican't until I tell him.But I'm scared it'llend our relationship.You know what,Robin? If it'smeant to be,then it won't matter.Yeah,you just have to tell him.Thank God we had the keysto Marshall and Lily's place.Pretty sure I told you that beforeyou kicked in that side window.You mean,before the "burglars"kicked in that side windowand stole all of Lily's underwear.What the hell happened on that train?It was absolute chaos.Ted,when I was at M.I.T.,myfavorite Einstein quote was:"God doesn't play dicewith the universe."- You didn't go to M.I.T.- I didn't?I actually have no ideawhere you went to college.Who are you?If we analyze the seeminglyrandom patterns of the train,taking into account standard deviation,and assuming that epsilon approacheszero as angle delta approaches pi,we can conclude.Damn it,Ted!I was about to drop some sweetword play about logarithmsand getting into a rhythm with my log.I'll remember it.The next morning,Robinmustered up all her courageand finally told Kevin her secret.I know that this isa lot to process,so.you take all the time you need.- And I understand.- Robin.will you marry me?Yes.- What are you doing?- The top speed of the Drunk Train is 73 miles per hour,and you factor in anaggregate of 32 boobs per car,28 of which are motorboatable,andyou divide that.No,no,no! This is all wrong!It should be so simple! Imean,it's the Drunk Train!My God.it's been right in frontof us the whole time.get- "Get drunk"- Yeah.Of course.Good circling,Ted.This ain't my first word search.So my Mom's already picked adate,venue and caterer for the wedding.But nothing's set in stone.My great-aunt's gonnasing. That's happening.- Are you really okay with this?- Yeah,she's actually got a decent voice.No,are you. are you okay witheverything that we talked about?Of course,Robin,I love you.Besides,there areother ways to have kids.There's adoption,surrogacy.No,Kevin,it's not just that Ican't have kids,I don't want kids.Okay.Knowing that,do you wantto take your proposal back?Will you marry me?Oh,you take such good care of me.Thanks for loaning me yourshoes for my swollen feet.Ah! I owe you one.- We have to stop this- Stop what?Keeping score.You're growing a baby,our baby.So you're officiallyahead of me for life.Oh,thanks,sweetie.Once we're parents,wehave to be a team. Deal?eightIt's your turn! I was on pointfor six straight hours yesterday!Two of those hours werea nap and you know it!Let's go to the board!I hope it's a soupy deuce,sucka.Deal. We're a team.I was all,"Do I look likeI'm from Ronkonkoma?!"That's all you gotta say!Oh,oh,oh,big man with a briefcase!What do you think,you'rebetter than me?!Hey,our stop's next.Do you want to join us?- Yeah,I think we do.- Nah,we're good.- Too skanky.- Too skanky? It's the Drunk Train.You crossed out all thestops and wrote "Vaginaville." That's not true. Thatone says "Boner Gardens." What's going on?Wait. Did that Quinn girlshake your game or something?Hell no!At the end of the night.You know,I went out tonight lookingfor a cheap,meaningless fling.But you turned out to be so special.I'd hate to ruin thisfriendship with sex.Oh,oh,I am willing to take that risk.Good one,Ted.Anyway,I'm seriously contemplatingpurchasing a new ironing board.Do you think.?Okay,I'll give you this: Youstood by your boy all night,even though you have nochance of getting with me.That was pretty cool.Yeah,you know,in retrospect,I think that was the moment you decidedto come back to my place and get nasty.Yeah,right. Get up. You're on my bra.Sorry.Where's your bathroom?Past the kitchen,down the hall.See,I feel like I would remember you twobeing naked on your couchin the middle of the club.Oh,right. That was later in myapartment after we got nasty. My bad.So,you want to go toa diner or something?Wait-wait-wait.You slept with her?I know,I know. I'm lateon sending the pictures.I've been swamped.- You like Quinn.- I.That's why you can't stop"complaining" about her.That's why you just tankedour chance with these.lovely innocent flowers.I don't even care where we go,butI hate doing it on the ground.Barney,do you know why I'm on theDrunk Train on Valentine's Day?Because I have no