《老爸老妈浪漫史 第八季 第0105集》英中字幕.doc

目 录第1集2第2集14第3集24第4集36第5集49第6集60第7集73第1集Oh, you look like you're coming from a wedding.噢 你好像刚参加完一场婚礼Was it a nice one?是一场很棒的婚礼吗Uh, it's a long story, and I don't mean to be rude,额 这个故事有点长 我不想太没礼貌but I really don't feel like talking about it.但我真的很不想讲这个故事It all started when the bride asked to see me.这一切都开始于新娘要见我Wow.哇哦Okay, don't sugarcoat it, Mosby.好了 别敷衍我了 莫斯比Just give it to me straight, okay?直说吧 好吗How bad is Barney freaking out right now?巴尼现在被吓成什么样了Oh, he's fine.哦 他挺好的No, I'm serious. He's totally fine.说真的 他真的挺好的I have a better tie at home!我家里有条更好的领带It's cornflower blue!是菊蓝色的It's cornflower blue!是矢车菊蓝色的啊You may rest assured, Barney Stinson is absolutely 100%你放心吧 巴尼斯丁森绝绝对对的going through with this wedding.能撑的过去这场婚礼Okay.好吧Good news.这是好消息Um, just one small issue, uh.额 只是有个小小的问题Okay, calm down, everyone feels this way冷静下 每个人在他们结婚那天on their wedding day.都会有这样的感觉It'll pass. 都会过去的No.It's more than that.不 它越来越厉害了I'm having a serious crisis.我有个很严肃的问题And I wonder if it would be hard to climb out that window.我在想爬出这个窗户是不是很难Uh, climbing out's easy.嗯 爬出去简单Climbing in's the real challenge.爬进来才是真正的挑战Oh, right.哦 对了It's the same window, isn't it?这是同一个窗户是吧Yeah.是的That story transpired in May of 2012.那个故事发生在2012年5月As you may recall, Lily and Marshall were gloriously happy来回忆一下 莉莉和马修灰常的开心having just welcomed your cousin Marvin.开心他们刚刚迎来你们的哥哥马尔文While Barney and Quinn were gloriously happy巴尼和奎恩也灰常的开心having just gotten engaged.开心他们刚刚订婚了And Robin, well.还有罗宾 好吧Ah, got it!啊 抠到了Man, that sum'bitch had been in there since breakfast!天啊 这个小贱货从早餐起就在这里了Robin one, poppy seed: zero.罗宾对阵罂粟籽 一比零Heck, this calls for some champagne.见鬼 要来点香槟了I think there's some in the fridge.好像冰箱里有一些We'll get it.我们去拿We're totally not gonna go have sex in the kitchen,我们一定不会在厨房里爱爱的if that's what you're thinking.正如你们所想的那样Aw, we're not?啊 我们不要?No, no, we are. I already took off your bra.不 我们当然要了 我已经把你的胸罩脱掉了Oh!好吧Hey, are you guys sure you can handle champagne?喂 你们俩确定你们还能来点香槟You haven't slept in like a week.你们好像一周左右都没有睡觉了We should just call it a night.虽然才是一晚上Oh, I see what this is about.哦 我知道这是为什么了You feel weird because Barney's engaged.巴尼订婚了你觉得很怪What?!你说啥No. Of course not.不 当然不了And I will tell you why it's not weird.我来告诉你为什么不觉得怪What's not weird?什么不觉得怪The fact that Barney's engaged.巴尼订婚的事实Barney's engaged?!巴尼订婚了?!Heck, this calls for some champagne.见鬼 要来点香槟了I think there's some in the fridge.我觉得冰箱里有一些Oh, my God, why don't you both just admit it:我的天哪 你们俩为什么就是不承认You're deliriously exhausted.你们已经完全精疲力尽了We're fine!我们好好的Really?真的吗 We're not gonna be the kind of people who have a baby我们才不会成为那种一有了孩子and become total zombies.就完全变成僵尸的人Yes, Robin.是啊 罗宾We're not gonna be the kind of people我们才不会成为那种that have a zombie and become total babies.一旦有了僵尸 就完全变成孩子的人Okay, well, what the I was saying is.好吧 我想说的是.Do you understand?你们明白了吗Yes! God, yes!明白 绝对的明白You are preaching to the choir, sister.你不用多费口舌了 妹子Whew!喔-Hey. -So.-喂 -所以I am thinking about my bridal party我正在想我的婚礼and, uh, I don't have a lot of girlfriends.嗯 我没有很多女性朋友I mean, I have work friends,我的意思是 我有工作上的朋友but I worked at a strip club但是我在脱衣舞俱乐部工作and I know they'll just complain我知道她们一定会抱怨about any bridesmaid's dress that has a front, so.伴娘礼服露得太少了 所以Would you guys be my bridesmaids?你们愿不愿意做我的伴娘I'd be honored. Yes!愿意 我好荣幸Not you, Marshall.不包括你 马修But, yay, thank you! Oh.但是 耶 谢谢-Oh, thank you. -Oh, my gosh.-谢谢 -天哪It's gonna be so much fun.一定会好有爱的Yeah, now it's weird.好吧 现在觉得怪了What's weird?什么觉得怪Me being Quinn's bridesmaid.我 当奎恩的伴娘Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, sweetie.我一点也不担心 亲爱的She probably won't even ask you.她可能都不会邀请你呢She just did.她刚刚才邀请我And we both said yes.我们俩都答应了Heck, this calls for some champagne.见鬼 要来点香槟了I think there's some in the fridge.我觉得冰箱里还有一些Meanwhile, I was also gloriously happy,与此同时 我也非常的开心Driving off into the sunset with Victoria,和维多利亚向落日驶去Who left her fiance Klaus at the altar for me.她为我在圣坛上抛下了她的未婚夫克劳斯There was just one problem.但还是有一个问题I wonder if Klaus found your note yet.我想知道克劳斯现在有没有看到你的字条My note?我的字条Yeah, you know,是啊 就像The "I'm leaving you at the altar" Note.我要离开你了 之类的字条Is that a thing?那很重要吗When you leave someone at the altar, you always leave a note.当你在圣坛前抛弃某人 你总得留一张字条It's common courtesy.这是基本的礼节嘛I think common courtesy went out the window when I did.我认为这基本礼节已经在我从那扇窗户那里跑出去的时候消失了Look, when Stella left me at the altar,你看 当斯黛拉在圣坛抛弃我的时候At least I got an explanation.至少我还得到了一个解释I mean, that note is what keeps you sane.我是说 那张字条让你保持理智You read it, you re-read it, you memorize it,你读一遍 再读一遍 你把上面的内容记得清清楚楚You sleep with it, you sniff it你把字条放在身边入睡 你闻着它Because it still kind of smells like her,因为那张字条还有一些她的的味道And then, finally.到最后You let it go.你放手了（也有扔出去的意思）Tied to a brick, right through her perfect把它绑在板砖上 直接扔向Little suburban bay window.她郊区小屋的玻璃上I'll just text him.好吧 我现在就给他发短信You're leaving a note.你必须要留字条So, Barney and I have already disagreed现在 巴尼和我On a few of the wedding details.在一些婚礼细节上有些分歧I want to go with a buffet,我想在婚礼上搞自助餐And he wants to ride down the aisle on a grizzly bear.但他想在婚礼上骑着灰熊过走道He'll be wearing a tux.它会穿礼服的Fine, fine, I'll settle for a panda bear,好吧 好吧 为了你我就改骑熊猫吧But you have to call my tailor.但是必须要你给我的裁缝打电话He'll be furious about the switch.他一定会因为这次改动非常生气的 Hey, Barney, uh.嘿 巴尼 那个We've gotta talk.我们需要谈一谈Um, Quinn just asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.那个 奎恩刚刚邀请我做她的伴娘Isn't she even a little她甚至一点都不认为weirded out that you and I used to date?我们曾经约会过而感到别扭Quinn doesn't have a jealous bone in her body.奎恩的字典里根本就没有嫉妒这个词She rolls with the punches.她逆来顺受-She. -Doesn't have a clue.-她. -根本不知道No, she does not.的确 她不知道Okay.写好了Okay.好"Klaus, there is no easy way to tell you克劳斯 我真的很难用语言描述Why I won't be marrying you today.我今天不能嫁给你的原因Have a great summer, Victoria."祝你夏天愉快 维多利亚That's it?就这点No, no, we gotta do this right.不 不行 我们要把这件事情办好Well, you can't write it.但 这个不能你写啊One look, it's gonna be obvious it's a guy's handwri.瞄一眼就知道 这明显是男人的笔迹（泰德以前学过花体字）Oh no, we're good.哦 好吧 现在没事了Okay, fine, you write, I'll advise.好吧 好吧 你写 我提意见"Klaus."克劳斯Just "Klaus"?你就直呼其名么Come on, give it some heart, the poor guy.别闹了 有点爱心 这家伙已经很可怜了"Dear sweet Klaus."亲爱的克劳斯"Sweet?" What, are you still in love with this jerk?亲爱的 怎么 你还爱着那个混蛋I'm doing this on my own.我自个写I'm sorry, I just.对不起 我就是You know, I feel bad for the guy.就是 为这个家伙感到抱歉I'm stealing the greatest girl in the world away from him.我正在从他身边抢走这个世界上最完美的女人You're not stealing me.不是你抢走了我I'm choosing you.是我选择了你Because you are loving因为你爱我And you are caring.你关心我And you are going to go deliver this note.并且 你要把这张字条送过去Wait, you want me to go in there?等等 你想让我送过去It took everything I had to climb out今天 我放弃了所有That church window today.从那个教堂的窗户爬出来And if I have to go back in there,但 如果我就这样回去了I'm not sure I can do it again.我不确定我会再走出来It has to smell like you.这样会让字条闻起来有你的味道So Quinn has no idea that we used to date?所以 奎恩一点也不知道我们曾约会过None whatsoever.一点也不知道Okay, Barney, think this through.好吧 巴尼 你想想Do you really want to你真的想spend the rest of your life with Quinn.在你和奎恩的生活里.Oh, God, you have a point.哦 天啊 你说到点上了Haven't gotten to it yet.还没呢Of course. Continue.好的 继续Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with Quinn你真的想要和奎恩共度余生And keep this secret?并隐藏这个秘密I mean, she's gonna find out.我的意思是说 她会发现的Quinn's not gonna find out because I've destroyed奎恩不会发现的 因为我把它们都销毁了Every piece of evidence that you and I were ever a couple.你和我曾在一起的时候所有的证据That's ridiculous.这也太扯了吧You couldn't have gotten rid of all of it.你不可能把它们全都销毁了You replaced me with a tiger.你用一张老虎的照片代替了我I couldn't completely get you out of that one.我不能把你完全P掉Had to get creative.我就只能自己创造一些了Well, I'm glad that deleting our entire time together好吧 很高兴你把我们在一起的整个时光都给删除了Was so easy for you.这个对你来说这个太容易了But I guarantee you: Quinn is gonna find out eventually.但是我向你保证 奎恩总会发现的No, she won't.不 她不会的I just need your help.但我需要你的帮助Yours, too.我也需要你们两个人的帮助I know you're out of it,我知道你们两个和这件事情没有关系But you have to promise not to tell Quinn, okay?但是你要向我保证 绝对不告诉奎恩Tell Quinn what?告诉她什么Exactly.回答正确No, she's really asking.不 她真的在问你 没有装傻-Can't climb the drainpipe. -What?-哥没法爬下水道 -为啥When I was in fourth grade, I couldn't climb the rope四年级时，我在体育课上in gym class and all the other kids made fun of me,没爬上绳子 然后所有同学都取笑我even though it wasn't my fault.再说那也不是我的错I had to go after Efthimios Papajapoulos.我要在阿三后面爬上去The rope was slick with lamb grease!而那时绳子上已经沾满了羊油Okay, so just walk in the front door好吧 那走正门啊and act like you belong.就像那是你家Here.拿好Here's the key to the dressing room.这是换衣间的钥匙Can I help you?你想干啥Hi. I'm the church handyman.我是教堂里打杂的I'm here to fix the broken thing.这里有东西坏了要我修It's busted.它爆掉了The bride is taking a "Schnooze."新娘要打个小盹She asked me to stand watch so that no one disturbs her.她让我看着 不希望任何人打扰到她I'll be quick.我会很快的You will be dead.那你也会死的很快的I used to wrestle in Leipzig.姐以前是在莱比锡玩摔跤的You know what?算了A note's redundant.字条什么的挺多余的You're not there. He gets it.你不在 他懂的No, you were right, I have to leave a note.不行 你说得对 我必须得留张字条It's common courtesy.这是基本礼节啊Well, it's not gonna be possible好吧 那也不可能啊with Andrea the Giant standing guard up there.有个熊腰虎背的女门神杵在那里Oh, right, Klaus's sister.噢 对 克劳斯的妹妹It's too bad Barney's not here.巴尼在就好了Man, he lives for bridesmaids.这男人就是为了伴娘们而存在的Right, but he's not.是啊 不在啊And it's not like he could seduce Uta over the phone.再说了 他也做不到靠打电话就能色诱妹子啊Challenge accepted!接受挑战Honey, it's not cheating if it's on the phone, right?如果就只是电话的话就不算偷腥了对吧Say what now?你刚说了什么Quinn's on board!奎恩同意了Text me her number!把她手机号发我You filthy, disgusting man!你个猥琐的下流胚But yes, I will do that to myself at your instruction.不过好吧 你说的东西我还是会照做的Let me find a broom closet.先让我找到储藏室Oh, ja, good.嗯 是 很好I did it. I did it!我成功了 成功了You're amazing.你太神奇了Let's get out of here.我们走吧I left the car keys in the dressing room.我把车钥匙落换衣间里了Pretty sure the door locked behind me.而且我一关上门它就自己锁掉了Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.天啊 额滴神啊 I found it kind of insulting that Barney doesn't巴尼认为我不能保守秘密think we can keep this secret.他也太看不起我了I mean, yeah, Marvin's keeping us up all night.我是说 没错 马尔文整得我们整夜睡不了But he's still the prettiest little girl in the city.但是他依旧是全城最美的女孩子Baby, did you just hear yourself?亲爱的你知道你刚刚说了什么吗You said, "Prettiest little girl in the city."你说全城最漂亮的女孩子I think you meant "Country""应该是全国才对哈Yeah.嗯嗯I mean, what does Barney think?我说 巴尼他怎么想的We're just gonna blurt out that he used to date.好像我们马上就要抖出他之前Shh!嘘Oh. that was close.我去 那个好险啊Quinn could've heard us through the.奎恩有可能会通过这玩意儿听见的Good catch!真及时I almost just blurted out that Barney used to date Robin!我刚刚差点就要把巴尼和罗宾好过那档子事抖出来了Barney used to date Robin?!巴尼之前真把过罗宾When did you get in here?你啥时候进来的Like, ten minutes ago when you said,在十分钟前 你们说"Hey Quinn, let's all go hang out in Marvin's room."奎恩 咱们去小马尔文的房间里玩吧Auf wiedersehen, fraulein.再会 小姐You know, I hate to perpetuate the stereotype,听我说 我是讨厌把人物模式化but German female wrestlers from Saxony are just begging for it.但来自德国萨克森州的女摔跤手就是那么的典型You dated Robin?你泡过罗宾吗Verdammt!艹I'm sorry I lied to you. I'll tell you everything抱歉我说了谎 我会告诉你所有的事 -The whole story. -Fine. You have one minute-整个故事 -好 在我走去这扇门之前before I walk out that door.你有一分钟的时间Um, it's, uh, kind of a long story, Quinn.这个 故事有点略长啊 奎恩Gonna take a bit little longer than a minute.得用不止一分钟了52 seconds.还剩52秒Seven years ago, when Marshall and Lily got engaged,七年前 马修莉莉初订婚Ted saw Robin across a crowded room, and I said, "Oh, yeah,泰德人群之中遇罗宾 -我曰 善 乃识其窈窕欲炮之you just know she likes it dirty," But Ted really liked her然泰爱慕之心如金石so we played "Have you met Ted?"遂举 否遇泰耶They went to dinner, he walked her home, shoulda kissed her,二人遂共进晚餐 泰送罗返 是当吻别didn't- lame- so he stole a smurf penis, went back未然 恶也 后泰窃其青号 返to her place, should've kissed her, didn't- lame.当吻 未然 恶He threw three parties, they kissed on the roof,泰举盛会三 终吻于舍顶but decided to be friends- lame-然未正道也 大恶then Ted wanted to take Robin to a wedding,一日 泰欲携罗共赴友之大婚she couldn't go, he went alone and met Victoria,罗未至 泰独往而识维didn't kiss her either- lame- not a great closer, Ted-然亦未吻之 噫 泰德者 卢瑟也but he finally kissed her, they started dating,然泰终如愿 始正道she went to Germany, Ted kissed Robin, lost Victoria,维往德意志 泰吻罗 甩维Ted did a rain dance, got Robin, Ted and Robin broke up,泰行祈雨舞 得罗 然终分Robin moved to Brazil, came back with a Latin stud,罗徙南美 与一拉丁渣渣返Ted got jealous, got a tramp stamp, not really relevant泰妒 纹一媚记 虽未与主线关联to the story I just like mentioning that然多多益善乎as much as possible, I hooked up with Robin, Ted and I stopped吾炮罗 泰割席being friends, Ted got hit by a bus, we made up.泰遇车祸 遂重和Robin and I started dating, I got fat, her hair fell out.吾始追罗 吾长肉千斤 罗恢恢疑秃We broke up, Robin dated Don, I dated Nora,吾分 罗与唐甚密 吾追诺cheated on her with Robin, I dumped Nora,与罗红杏出墙 遂弃诺Robin dated Kevin, but not for long,罗与凯甚欢 然好景不长and then I met you and you took my grandpa's watch后吾识汝于佾 汝得吾祖上之手表but I fell in love with you anyway,然爱慕之心不可控也and you let me fart in front of you and I asked you to marry me汝准放气于厅堂 吾求婚and you said yes and we came over here to meet little Marvin汝准 后往马府探新生and that's everything!以上Also I went on the Price Is Right and won a dune buggy.哦 对了 我参加价格猜猜猜赢了个甲壳虫车子哟Goodbye, Barney.别了 巴尼Good. I j.别了是什么意思 我不是She lets you fart in front of her?她同意你在她面前放屁了Barney.巴尼you go get that girl.把她追回来 速度Oh, God!什么情况You cannot tell anyone that you saw me.你不能告诉任何人你见过我I cannot get married today!我今天不能结婚Klaus?克劳斯Oh, I'm a mess.嗯 我有点乱I threw up in the cloakroom, I blamed a small child.我在衣帽间吐了一地 然后嫁祸给某个熊孩子I cannot get married.我不能结婚I left a note.我留了张字条Good for you. Not everyone thinks of that.不错哦 不是每个人都想得到的哟Who doesn't leave a note?哪个煞笔不留条的It's common courtesy.这叫基本礼节懂不Thank you!太谢谢了Do you have the time? Um.你知道现在几点吗Yeah, it's 20 after 7:00.嗯 七点二十Ah, sehr gut.唔 很 好I can still make the 8:05 back to the city.我还能赶得上八点五分的回城的车Auf wiedersehen!拜拜And suddenly it hit me:我一瞬间恍然大悟a way to absolve Victoria of any blame.一个免除对维多利亚任何责难的妙招All I had to do was climb that drainpipe.只是我必须得爬上那下水道What? No, Kl